Unwanted Gifts
Rocks In My Dryer is doing a backwards Works For Me Wednesday today. Instead of posting a tip we are supposed to be asking a question. Well here is mine.
As the holiday season creeps closer I get a knot in my throat at one thought: the gifts. Maybe I’m too picky in what I want for my son. Especially when it comes to toys. No light-up, loud noise, battery needing, plastic stuff. When I say that I seem to get these looks of “Then what on earth do I buy?” Usually because my request is so bizarre I end up with a pile of toys I hate. They’re loud, obnoxious, easily broken, require a thousand batteries, and don’t let the kids actually play. Pushing a button over and over again does not count as playing to me.
So, since some people have made it clear that they’re going to continue to buy what ever over priced thing is being commercialized the most this year and I’m terrible at telling people no…
What do I do with the gifts? What do you do in that instance? Donate them, try to return them, finally put your foot down?
November 6th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
You have a give-away on your website, of course!
November 6th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
I have this great idea that I will save them and re-gift them back to the person with fresh batteries in them :)I will definitely do this with my sister once she has a little one!!
I have returned some to the stores, consigned unwanted clothes, had many wonderful yard-sales-just to name a few. Some people just will not take a hint!
November 6th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
“You have a give-away on your website, of course!”
Oh, geez! That’s funny.
Well, you could always sell them on EBAY and use the proceeds to buy your son a gift on the approved list.
November 7th, 2007 at 12:17 am
We’ve had similar hopes for our kids’ gifts, but few seem to get it. We designated an area (the basement) for playing with certain ones, but the kids know that once the batteries run out, they don’t get replaced. So, if the sounds are ultra annoying, remove the batteries.
It works for us! Plus, it makes them more creative.
November 7th, 2007 at 1:26 am
Sell them on Craig’s list. I have done that a number of times and it makes me a lot happier to not have to hear all the loud and annoying toys. Only a small portion of our battery operated toys actually have batteries. A good many of them are just as fun with out all the noises and sounds.
November 7th, 2007 at 1:29 am
We used to have this trouble, especially when we were moving alot and the clutter became too much.
I came to a conclusion. Once a gift is given to you, it belongs to you. Profound, huh? What I mean is the giver no longer has any say what is done with it, so there is no guilt involved when you choose to do something other than let it live at your house and annoy you.
We often put gift we did not want for our kids, or ones that happened to be dupicates in our gift box. Just make sure you remember who gave it to you to avoid any potential embarassment.
We have saved mucho money by giving unwanted or unneeded gifts at other birthday parties or the like.
On a lighter note, our oldest daughter was several years old before she realized that batteries could be replaced in toys! We did not lie to her, just never offered to replace them, so when the original batteries died the toy was now a silent toy!
November 7th, 2007 at 2:54 am
Sky took my idea. That is the first thing that came to my mind! Other than that, I’d vote for charity or Goodwill.
November 7th, 2007 at 3:11 am
Could you offer specific suggestions instead? What kind of things are okay with you? Could you say, my son really like Legos, maybe you could buy him a bit? Or, so-and-so loves to draw - he would love a sketchbook and crayons, or other art supplies. I think there are lots of people that just want to know exactly what you’d like as a gift.
November 7th, 2007 at 4:07 am
I’m with Kristy - I would give suggestions for gifts that are okay, but failing that, regift or sell them. Or better still, donate to an orphanage because there are lots of kids with no toys. Our church does a huge Christmas party for 2500 kids every year and if you were in South Africa, I’d come take them off your hands for you
November 7th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Ahhh, we’ve had(have) this predicament as well. In fact, I have a stack of toys sitting in my garage waiting for me to either sell them on Craigslist or give them to a loving home of one of my friends. AND all of them have never been opened or played with b/c the grandparents just give way too many gifts!
I’m with Awesome mom on this one, either sell or give away to a Mission-type organization. There’s someone out there who’d love to play with them!
November 7th, 2007 at 7:28 am
In this regard only, thankfully my family lives mostly far away and rarely visits. That way -if the toy is a dud, or too noisy or whatever - I can get rid of it without them wondering when they come over, where it is.
I have two toys like that sitting atop my boy’s closet - waiting for what??? One is from someone closer - so I don’t feel like I can get rid of that one.
We have given stuff away - donated to charity or regifted when appropriate.
One was thrown in the trash even though I feared I’d get asked about it - b/c it was for my son about aged 3 at the time and it was a HIDEOUS wrestling character - not hideous b/c of that but it was some kind of bad principle character with a weird head showing the brain or some kind of bizarre thing. Can you imagine giving that to a little tyke. Yeah he loves soldiers, fighting, war, the good ole USA, army etc - but this was gross.
November 7th, 2007 at 7:31 am
I would make a list of what is acceptable for your kids. Then make it clear that if the gifts don’t meet your requirements you won’t keep them. Both sets of grandparents are very good at asking what we would like for our daughter. But they also know I have no qualms about getting rid of something if it’s not what we wanted. Maybe you could say as soon as you see they didn’t follow your rules, “Oh too bad johnny won’t be able to keep that! We don’t have battery powered toys in our house. ” It might seem rude, but it is also rude to go directly against your wishes.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Funny (and sad) how much difficulty people seems to have understanding why a you wouldn’t want obnoxious, noisy, commercialized made-in-china plastic junk piling up in your house - no matter how perfectly blunt you’ve been on the matter. I’m pretty ruthless though: if we can’t exchange it, it goes straight to the thrift store.
I’m hoping that maybe the recent waves of recalls over lead-laden plastic toys will give us an angle that will sink in to my mother’s brain - but I’m not holding my breath.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:17 am
Some people will give gifts they want to give, no matter what you say. It isn’t just children’s toys, either! I loved what Tina in Thailand said about once the gift has been given, the giver no longer has a say in what happens to it. So, do whatever you feel good about doing; re-gift, sell, or donate, which are all excellent alternatives to looking at it in your home and feeling frustrated!
TM
November 7th, 2007 at 8:27 am
The key to nipping this in the bud is to have alternatives readily available when you talk to the gift givers again this year.
Bonus, you can totally blame the recalls from China!
So, tell them, “with all the recalls this year, we have decided not have Chinese made toys in the house” or “No licensed characters” or whatever.
Then, tell them… “but you know, he would really LOVE a subscription to ZooBooks, and it would last all year!” or “He’s really getting into art, and would LOVE a set of good colored pencils.” or “I really want to get him a telescope/microscope/bike/camping gear/whatever this year.”
Have a mental list of 5-6 alternative gifts that are not annoying to parents.
One year, my family each helped buy him a piece of Boy Scout uniform equipment.
I cured my mom by making it a “grandma’s house toy”. She keeps some toys around for the kids, and when she gave him a lights and sounds plastic piano, I immediately said “That’s a GREAT toy to leave at Grandma’s! She’ll LOVE seeing you play with it when we come to visit!” Now we get books from her. HAHAHA!
And you can always return them and get what you want!
November 7th, 2007 at 9:16 am
I don’t have children of my own yet, but we have seven nieces and nephews. The amount of junk that they accumulate at every birthday/holiday just makes me bonkers.
What kind of gifts do you hope for? Some of us just shoot in the dark!
November 7th, 2007 at 9:25 am
I like the suggestion about talking up the “not Made in China” issue. We have a lot fewer of those problems when we put together a wish list either online or as I do now…on my desk and then I suggest one thing to each person who calls to ask.
If I get really commercial gifts anyway, I return them… if possible for something I like. Otherwise I donate them. Usually, even if my DS opens these commercial gifts, he quickly loses interest and I “lose” them by spiriting them away into a closet for awhile and then to Goodwill. I have no guilt, especially if I already made it known we don’t want these types of toys.
November 7th, 2007 at 9:40 am
We have the same problem. My kids usually forget about that toy on the way home b/c they are so preoccupied w/ another one. I hide it in my gift box at home and give it away at an upcoming birthday party. Or I donate it to the church nursery. Or I sell it at Once Upon A Child or somewhere like that. Enjoy the noise!
November 7th, 2007 at 9:52 am
This can be hard. What I do each early Nov is make a list and send it out to those who buy for her it is a very small list…and they like to get her something she will want, and that is good for her..
Here is an example of what I sent out.
Hi,
It is that time of year and yes Christmas and her birthday are fast approaching so this year this is what she is really into a begging for: Ello(I cant beleive the things she creates with it), Books(she is just starting to get into novels and is loving the Disney fairy series), board games(great for all of us), Webkinz or E pets are big with her this year still, and craft kits( she would love lipgloss making, paint, or bead kits)…and guess what this kind of note works!!!
November 7th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Wow–you have lots of responses which I don’t have time to read. I warn all family members before hand that the kids get to choose on New Years which half of all the stuff they own to give away (they donate stuff to the thrift shop). If they have an old favorite and a new not so favorite then the new not so favorite item goes. If it requires batteries then the batteries must come with the toy because I won’t buy them–the kids have the option of buying their own, but they seldom do.) If the battery dies then the kids either play with it without the batteries or it goes. It took several years to take but the kids starting calling the cheap barbie dolls my stepmom ought them “disposable Barbies” and that pretty much stopped the chaos. Now the kids let each grandparent know exactly what they are interested in getting from them (they don’t like getting the same thing all around so the kids call up with one thing they would love and ask specifically for something of that sort.) Occasionally they will make a list of things they are interested in instead but usually that is how it works–the grandparents are happy to spend all of it on one thing and get something the grandkids REALLY want (and which they won’t be getting rid of and will remember as coming from them instead of a whole bunch of stuff that the kids don’t want and which will just be donated after the holidays.) (And when all else fails, the things the kids like but which I refuse to allow in the house stay at grandma’s where she has to deal with it–that has cured them a lot as well.)
November 7th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Someone gives you something you don’t want, can’t use, or specifically asked not to have, get rid of it! As fast as possible! No point in hanging on to clutter! All it does is make you miserable in and of itself as clutter, but it also sits on your shelf (or where ever) reminding you of how this person doesn’t listen or gave an obviously thoughtless gift. You’ve got more important things to do with your time than dwell on that.
November 7th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Instead of telling people what NOT to buy, have you tried suggesting things you would like? I always suggest books, pajamas, CD’s, and educational videos. I have gotten a few obnoxious toys, but not very often. I used to put these in the closet and regift them, but my son is more conscious of what he’s getting now and I have to just let him keep them. He’s got his own point of view now, and if he wants the wailing firetruck the neighbor gave him it really isn’t up to me anymore.
Of course with an older child you can offer an exchange, like let them pick any book they want in a certain price range if they will forego the noisy toy.
November 7th, 2007 at 11:56 am
I have been known to donate unwanted toys to others that I know will appreciate them far more than I! (I have the same type of requirements as you.) (Don’t let the kids open the present if you don’t want them to have it. Lucky for me, most of the offending presents come in paper that is ripped before it arrives so I get to see it.)
Others got “accidentally” left behind when we left a place like when we went to Puerto Rico and my kids got a Spiderman that turned into a lethal weapon in their hands. Okay, so I threw them up onto the top shelf behind blankets.
I know it sounds crass so I never suggest it, but why can’t people send gift certificates if they really want to spend all that money?!
Last year, we very vocally suggested K’nex and named nothing but K’nex for our boys’ wish lists. It worked! They got some cool K’nex sets! This year, our boys got some B&N gift cards for their birthday which I plan to make a big deal of how wonderful that was and how excited they were to buy their own books!
November 7th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
[...] Summer Minor added an interesting post on Unwanted Gifts.Here’s a small excerpt:As the holiday season creeps closer I get a knot in my throat at one thought: the gifts. Maybe I’m too picky in what I want for my son. Especially when it comes to toys. No light-up, loud noise, battery needing, plastic stuff. … [...]
November 7th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I am so glad to know I’m not the only one w/this problem. If I said No Playdoh, I meant No Playdoh. Yes they have gotten playdoh & I returned it to the store & got them something from their wish list.
Why not go to the store & make a “gift registery” like you would for baby shower or wedding shower?
November 7th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Oh goody! As the relative on the other side of this equation here’s our answer: Pleeeeeease make me a list of “perfect” gifts. We don’t want to waste our money but we have no idea whether your toddler is into Sesame Street books or Tonka trucks. Write a list and e-mail it to them. Maybe they’ll use it. If not then they’re trying to tell you that they think you’re too strict with your kids and you need to lighten up. In which case you can answer with a squeaky toy for their dogs. The louder the better! mwah ha ha
November 7th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
[...] Summer Minor placed an interesting blog post on Unwanted Gifts.Here’s a brief overview:As the holiday season creeps closer I get a knot in my throat at one thought: the gifts. Maybe I’m too picky in what I want for my son. Especially when it comes to toys. No light-up, loud noise, battery needing, plastic stuff. … [...]
November 7th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
We have a whole stash of toys at the grandparents’ houses. If they give the kids something I really can’t stand, I “forget” it, and then say, “Well, it wouldn’t hurt to have some toys there, you know, for when we visit…”
I am naughty.
November 7th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
That’s a hard one–we’re dealing with the same issue. I’ve told my extended family–including all grandparents–that we’re trying to teach our kids to have thankful hearts and that it’s really hard when they receive dozens of toys for every holiday and birthday. I’m pretty much ignored. I prefer gifts of time spent with the children or an opportunity for a special experience over gifts. I’m really excited because my parents have finally embraced the experience idea–this year they have offered to pay for all their kids and grandkids’ tickets to Disneyland (they live an hour away) and have promised No Presents! We’ll have a very memorable and exciting day with my siblings and the kids’ cousins and won’t return home after Christmas with a car full of toy clutter.
November 7th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
My MIL is a darling, and loves to shop. She also doesn’t see the kids often, so her gifts are the biggest connection they have most years. When our first arrived, and she wanted a list of gifts, I resisted mightily–it felt greedy to give a shopping list!
We’ve found a compromise. Every so often, I give her an update of things the kids are “into.” She chooses something she wants them to have that fits into those categories. We’ve avoided a lot of the commercialized gifts this way, and haven’t spoiled the fun for her.
For instance, this year I’m letting her know what sorts of novels and books the kids would enjoy (mythology and art, particularly sketching and oil paints, for DD, archaeology, geology, sci-fi, technology for DS, more in a series of really cute books MIL found for toddler DD); what sizes they’re into for dress-ups and clothes (she has exquisite taste in Sunday Best, particularly); their interests and hobbies (which include “classic” Scouting, both Girl and Cub Scouts).
Once the gift is given, it’s your responsibility to thank the giver sincerely for the thought. Satisfy that obligation well. Then get rid of the stuff that isn’t going to work for your family.
(I’m lucky–my mom and dad have always done “homemade” gifts, or else they choose really nifty classic things made of real wood, porcelain, etc. And one year, my brother gave my children real bongos, tambourines, and tin whistles. He said later that ours was the only family who wouldn’t shoot him dead for doing it.
)
November 7th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
I take the preemptive approach and tell what we do want (instead of what we don’t want). We want wooden blocks, puzzles, Legos, doll clothes, etc. I know not everyone listens, but a lot do; especially as my kids get older, people seem to want to know what they are in to.
November 7th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Before my first child was born, I told my family and dh’s that just because they give a child a gift doesn’t mean that the child will ever play with it. And I have stuck with it. I try to give lists to family member of acceptable things. Blocks, Lincoln logs, legos, trucks that they have to maneuver. All the things that promote imagination. And i have been known to return some things.
November 8th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Let me go against the grain a little bit… Mind you, I have consigned, re-gifted, and donated toys we really don’t need. But after many years of holiday toys (we have 5 and the oldest is 13) I have learned that the givers get so much JOY out of shopping for us that, even when it’s not what we would have liked - it’s so important to be GRACIOUS to the giver, no matter what. The relationship with grandparents always is more important than the perfection of the toy. I want my children to know that people are more important than things. Hubby and I buy them the timeless, creative toys we want an then we just let them enjoy the noisy, cheap ones until they break (or we put them in the “birthday stash” for kids’ parties.) My dear MIL is with the Lord now, and I’m so glad I didn’t make this a big deal with her. She got so much happiness from shopping the “Kool Toyz” aisle at Target and showering my kids with excess. So what if I had to do a little extra work later to bring order to life - the close relationship with her was worth every bit.
I don’t mean to sound preachy, but I really do believe that people are more important than things and it really IS the thought that counts! Blessings.
November 9th, 2007 at 12:59 am
If your child opens these gifts and wants to play with them, I say let them play. Then after a few days or weeks when they are no longer played with, and the child no longer has any interest, get rid of ‘em. Chances are it won’t take very long. I don’t think it’s fair to the child or the giver of the gift to not allow your child to play with the toys if he/she wants to.
November 11th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
My brother had some very strict ideas about what he did and didn’t want his children to receive as gifts. Unfortunately, his extreme rigidity made most of us shy away from giving anything for fear of being chastised for the “wrong” gift. Over the years, it distanced his children from aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
It saddens me to read about parents who are considering the same path. Is it really so bad to allow loving relatives the freedom to choose the gifts that move them? Gifts are an expression of love and bonding; do you truly want to limit that expression?
So you hate the flashing fire engine toy. Your child will outgrow it and your family values will always be their strongest influence. Please don’t let judging the gift-giver by the number of AA batteries in their present be a value you pass along.
Sign me, “A sad auntie who can never re-bond to nieces and nephews who have grown up”
November 20th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
[...] to you or doing the shopping later on their own. Either way you don’t have to worry about unwanted gifts and they will know exactly what to get for [...]