Mom Is Teaching

Meg is guest posting for me while I drag myself together and figure out which way is up.  You can find her posting regular at her place, Get In, Hang on.

When Jerri Ann asked me if I might do a guest post for her, my first thought was to say something about blended schooling. There are so many views of pure homeschooling or pure brick and mortar schooling. I thought this medium was a good place to explore when the two mix.

But after reading Luke’s post and listening to Jerri Ann talk about her concerns, I’m going to put that idea aside. I’m decided instead to give Jerri Ann her fourth reason to homeschool.

4. Homeschooling is a wonderful way for a family to deal with hardship and illness.

Okay, I said it and Jerri Ann is probably thinking ‘How can I educate my children when XYZ is interfering with my ability to even get through the day?’

Well, there are a couple of different reasons that I feel this way.

- To begin with, you need to consider American society. In our society one of our weaknesses is our desire to hide away problems, illness, and death. Because all three are kept in a closet, when they do happen, many people struggle with just facing their own issues.

It’s hard enough for us to face our issues, but it can be extremely unsettling and scary for a child to see their parents dealing with the issues.

I don’t know of any studies to draw on, but from my personal observations and experiences I can tell you that most kids in homeschooling families tend to get strength from not being separated from their family. In fact I’ve known a few families where the children have stepped up and dealt with their fears by trying to get some control over it. I’ve seen older kids dig in and learn about their mother’s illness so that they can help deal with doctors and treatments, and I’ve seen younger kids take on the role of monitoring medication schedules.

Now some people might point out that letting kids involve themselves is putting a lot on small shoulders, but letting them own the issue lets them feel productive and part of the solution. A child that has been sent away for the day will feel that separation and it won’t help them with their own worries.

- Then we need to think about what we mean when we speak about education in this country. Almost everyone thinks you mean “book learning” the old reading, writing, and arithmetic in whatever form the current brains of education think is important, but I think there is more to education then what comes out of a book.

Someone’s ability to endure hardship does not just appear when they are facing their first problem. It develops and is nurtured by the family and society that surrounds them.

And that starts in the home. Whether it is seeing that having the wage earner laid off is not the end of the world, but a chance for the family to work together to support itself; or learning what it means to be sick, both the empathy toward the ill person and seeing that suffering family member trying to make a productive life. It’s realizing that grief is as much a part of life as any joy and is not something that only comes out of a box at chosen moments.

Education is much more and some times the important lesson is not that 2 + 2 = 4, but that it is possible to deal with setbacks. Time spent learning this will not get you into the best colleges or the fancy jobs, but hopefully it will make a better life all the same.

- Lastly, it’s important to consider the process of learning. Education is a life long process. It starts with that little baby exploring their world and doesn’t end until we die. Formal schooling is only a small drop in that bucket.

When your formal schooling is done through an organization it is important for that organization to be able to keep everyone moving through at the same speed and in the same direction. They also need to have intermediate goals to ensure that forward motion is being met. Intermediate goals are suppose to help catch the strays that don’t follow the prescribed plan.

Homeschooling doesn’t work that way. A homeschooled child skips, jumps, and falls on their face. Some years it’s possible to feel like nothing is getting through and on others, you can’t slow them down enough for you to keep up.

More often than not, that year where nothing stuck, was the year that they were working through some other issue and when they get on top of it everything else will fall in place. And when you look at where they were and where they are now you realize that they weren’t just treading water for all the lack of anything formal to show.

And that ‘some other issue’ can be whatever issue the family is dealing with. There will be time for the ‘book learning’ later. And as they grow and develop an idea of what they want out of life, their desire for the tools to get them there will help them move quickly to complete their formal education.

The decision to homeschool is rarely a light one. As I’ve said before on my own blog, the one tool that is needed is dedication. When the family has added stress, finding that dedication can be the hardest thing and sometimes choices have to be made of what would be best for everyone.

But hardship and stress should never be the doorkeeper for a family that wants to homeschool.

As a sort of footnote – The three hardships/illnesses that I have used to make my point – unemployment, chronic illness, and death – and the conclusions I draw, all come from watching people that I know and respect continue homeschooling their children and seeing the benefit in their families.

I’ve known multiple families where the main wage earner has lost their job and the family has had to scramble to keep a roof over their head. “Teaching” in some cases has gone out the window and in others has become a haphazard patchwork around the parent’s disjointed schedules as they try to make ends meet. Down the road when life settles back down, there has barely been a blimp on the kids’ educational progress.

I have three friends and acquaintances that had/have cancer and another that has a serious heart condition. They all have good days and bad days, and work the “formal” stuff around their health issues. While I won’t say that every child from these families is this perfect wonderfully supportive angel 24/7, I do feel comfortable with the conclusions that I drew. I do know that many of the moms (where the topic has come up) appreciate the time and connections that homeschooling has allowed them to have with their children.

And lastly, I have known families that have had to deal with the death of a close family member.