Taking A Little Me Time
I’ve been thinking a lot lately on taking “mommy breaks“. A few moments each day where mommy gets to relax and release some tension. When I first bcame a mom the thought of taking breaks seemed so wrong. I had this 1950s sitcom housewife image in my head. I just knew that if I could get that perma-smile plastered on tight enough then the days would go by perfect.
Then my oldest turned 1 and I tossed a lot of ideas out the window. Mommy time was a must, an absolute have to have. But I still felt guilty for it. How could I think my precious wonderful baby was enough to drive me to frustration? How could I not just suck it up and deal with it? Basically I needed support and someone to help kick me in the butt for not taking a break sooner.
As my sons grew I got over the guilt. It was either that or let it eat me up alive. If I have to hide in the bathroom and eat chocolates for 15 minutes to feel like a human again then that’s what I’m going to do. And I’m not a bad mother for it either! Since motherhood doesn’t come with weekends off and vacation time I’ve got to take my moments when I can. So I was a bit excited about the future after reading Mother Crone talk about leaving for two hours alone and hr kids did their work. I am anxiously counting down the days until that miracle happens here too.
I wonder if homeschooling moms find it easier or harder to take mommy breaks. One the one hand you are home with the kids alld ay and responsible for their education. Yet on the other you get to control your own schedule so you can pencil in a mental health break when ever you need one. What do you think? Do you get more breaks as a homeschooling mom or less? And how about the guilt? Does knowing that you are so responsible make you feel more guilt for taking a break, or elss because you deserve one more?
guilt, homeschooling, motherhood
December 15th, 2007 at 6:44 am
[...] Taking A Little Me Time [...]
December 15th, 2007 at 8:15 am
I will say a resounding both! When they were younger, I had to work hard to find some personal time. I would get up extra early, or putter around in the middle of the night searching for a silent time to center myself. Thank goodness for hte internet, because the only social I regularly got was waiting with other mothers at their sports!
It felt like a major undertaking to arrange ffor coverage and push ahead with our schooling for me to just go to the doctor, let alone lunch with a friend.
But, then they grow up into these wonderful and capable kids. If you have done it right, they know how to make themselves lunch or a healthy snack. You can do their lessons, then givethem the busy work (reading, worksheet, vocab lists) and do the things you need. Now that they are teens, I can plan entire days away for a conference or and they can do it all themselves. It is wonderfully freeing!
December 15th, 2007 at 8:55 am
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t a workaholic. I used to relax as a teenager by taking the stove apart and cleaning it with an old toothbrush. I am a source of constant amusement to my friends. It’s OK- you can laugh at me, I don’t mind.
For my ‘me’ time, I get up very early, usually 4am, and have a hot, sit-down breakfast, read, cruise the internet…. I used to feel guilty, but now I know I am a better mother when I am relaxed, so I take what time I need, and my dh helps alot in that area.
Also, it is good for kids to be self-sufficient. Mine can all make sandwiches and wraps, and love cutting up their own salads (not the 6 yo tho- not yet). They have some household chores they do to earn computer or Playstation time. I take steps to make our home restful, with keeping the house organized, and planning of menus and such.
I think homeschoolers can get caught up in the idea that they have to do it all and be it all. But IMO it is easy for HS moms to find mental health time, but it takes a bit for forethought and planning. How funny- you have to work at relaxing. :p
December 15th, 2007 at 9:39 am
When my youngest was born, I instituted “The Nap.” My nap. I would lay down with the baby in my room. My oldest was five and the middle was two. I would put one on either side and give them a book or small toy. The deal was, if Mom gets a nap, we play when you get up. If Mom doesn’t get a nap, you rest half an hour longer and Mom doesn’t join in at play time.
It only took once or twice of an extended rest for them and no happy Mom joining in hide and seek, or tag, or playing with that fun new piece of bribery, er learning toy the Mom bought for them to realize that if Mom was happy, everybody was happy.
We still had bad days, but by and large, I got to nap. Even now that they are older, they hesitate to wake Mom from her nap!
December 15th, 2007 at 9:40 am
IT was definitely harder when they were smaller–now I am able to take plenty of me time (mostly me working or painting while they do their thing.) I think it depends on the homeschool route you take–if you are the type of mom who has everything perfectly structured and uses all sorts of specific curriculum for each child–yeah it is hard. If you are laid back and have a flexible schedule with less curriculum more educational activity, not so hard.,
December 15th, 2007 at 10:03 am
My guess would be harder, but modified by the attitude of the person. If you think ‘I’m here, kids are here, I need to structure their time’, then taking breaks will be harder. If you think that ‘I’m here, kids are here, I need to give them something to do that doesn’t involve me (or the threat of fire/grievous bodily harm/calls to the bomb squad)’, then they’ll be easier.
December 16th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
My me time comes after school work and household chores are finished. Then the kids do their own thing and I can do mine. My thing is reading a book for myself or sewing.
I love the freedom we have in our schedule. It allows us all to be a lot less stressed and therefore more relaxed and happier in general.
December 18th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Great post, and a great question, too! I would have to agree that it can go either way. I think a lot of mothers, homeschooling or not, feel guilty for taking time for themselves.
I do think many homeschooling mothers have particular difficulty justifying “me-time”, especially ones who have stopped working to stay home with the children. It sometimes feels like the kids are our children and also our career, and we feel like we can’t justify our lack of employment unless we are interacting with them every minute. (That’s not true, of course - children need time to themselves, too.) But still, it is easy to feel that way. I know women (and men) who look forward to going to work so that they can get a bit of a “break” from being responsible for young children. I felt the same way about the part time job I had when my twins were younger.
That said, homeschooling mothers do have a great opportunity to show their children balance by example. We can try to be an example to our children of adults who have their own needs, interests and learning goals to pursue, in addition to facilitating the growth and education of our children.
Plus, I’m convinced that kids benefit from moms who take care of themselves, rather than becoming too burned out and frazzled. It’s a delicate balance, isn’t it?!