Learning To Interact With People Different Than You
Last night I had to make a last minute run to the store right before it closed. As I was leaving I ran into a man that I once worked with long ago. We chatted for a few minutes in the parking lot before the cold crept into our coats. As I was driving home it struck me that him and I were very different people, nearly complete opposites. Had we first met in high school we would have most likely never spoken to each other. In fact even though I went to a very small school in a very small town there are many students that I graduated with that I most likely never said more than a polite hello in passing to.
We became friends when the summer after graduation and before heading off to college we both worked the evening shift at a local fast food place. It was an odd friendship, one that grew out of necessity. When you are going to be spending 8+ hours a day with someone you have to learn how to make friends, or at least how to be friendly. We laughed and joked as we worked, shared meals if our breaks happened together, and a few times he gave me a ride home from work since I did not have a car.
There we were, total opposites in social class. He was upper class, for our area, I was lower. He played football, was given a new car on his 16th birthday, and only dated the girls who looked like Barbie dolls. I skipped the pep rallies, bought a clunker for $100 that died within a year, and was the farthest from looking like a doll that you could get. And yet for 3 months of summer vacation we were friends, close enough that years later when we bumped into each other in a store parking lot we immediately recognised each other and hugged.
I suppose my point is to question the belief that children must go to school to learn how to interact with people different from them. For all my years in school you only interacted with people who were different if a teacher forced you to by assigning you to a project together. And then it was as brief as possible and you quickly forgot each other once it was done. You had your clique and dared not stray too far from the accepted boundaries (wasn’t that the sub-plot in the High School Musical movie?). There were just some people you would never talk to, and some who would never talk to you. Had my friend and I met in high school I probably would have been that chick with the bad hair who blocks his locker and he the jock who thinks he’s so cool even though he’s not. Luckily we met outside the walls of the school, in the real world where we were free from the social pressures and forged by actually having to work together for an extended period of time.
December 18th, 2007 at 7:39 am
I was that person in highschool that flitted from group to group. I had friends in each group who never understood how I could talk to THEM. I always thought it was so sad, and I am glad my children don’t think of other people as socially inappropriate just because of wealth or appearance. That certainly is an advantage of homeschooling.
December 18th, 2007 at 7:47 am
Thanks for the interesting post. Glad you found a connection outside of school with this person.
For me, the really odd, forced classification in school is chronological age. Most schools group strictly based on age. You learn with, take recess with, eat lunch with, and do everything with only those that share your chronological age. This is a major disconnect from the way you interact with peers in the “real world.”
December 18th, 2007 at 8:00 am
In high school I had my ‘best friend’ with whom I was inseparable, but I was also always nice to everyone, even the weirdos and geeks. Sometimes I was teased for talking to THEM, but being born with a long tongue and a short temper, I slammed ‘em back.
Still, I went to a private school, and my exposure at school to anyone of a different social or economic status was limited, and forget meeting someone of a different religion or ethnicity.
December 18th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Excellent point. I’ve had so many of the same experiences. It’s amazing how crappy jobs can be the great builder of commonality.
December 19th, 2007 at 9:36 am
Great post! I totally agree with you. I was one of those that could have easily slipped into several different groups in high school… I just couldn’t find where I really fit. The real world is so much more dynamic. I enjoy that homeschool provides more opportunities to experience the world as it truly is beyond the walls of the classroom.
December 19th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
My SIL is dealing with this right now…they were homeschooling and thus, met lots of different people from different views and areas of town. Now her oldest decided he wanted to try school, and they are letting him. Now that he’s there though…the world view got a lot narrower and he only has exposure to upper class mostly white folks and its really starting to bother my Sil. Great post.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
[...] came across this great blog post at Mom Is Teaching (http://www.momisteaching.com/learning-to-interact-with-people-different-than-you/) that challenged the notion that home-schooled students lack the social skills of public school [...]
April 17th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Loved this post. It’s so important for kids to break out of their comfort zone and really learn to interact with a variety of people.
We actually did a blog post inspired by your article:
http://edukicknews.com/?p=20
Would love to hear your thoughts on homeschooling and travel.