Just What Is Mom Teaching?
Last night a friend of mine shared this blog post that she had found. It really hit home with her, and gave myself some food for thought. I woke up this morning knowing that there are many other homeschooling moms out there who probably fit in the same situation. And probably some who didn’t even realize that they were.
Can we really expect our children to shun screen time in favor of books if we are constantly checking our email, reading message boards, or *gasp* blogging throughout the school day?
Can we admonish our children to finish their work in a timely way when we can barely get dinner on the table by nightfall?
Can we honestly reprimand our kids for letting projects go unfinished if they can look around and see a half-dozen incomplete projects (sewing, crafting, writing, cleaning) of our own making?
Can we chide our children for letting their work pile up until it is overwhelming when we are dealing with a mountain of neglected laundry every saturday?
In short, if we are disorganized, scattered dilettantes, can we really expect anything better of our children?
Being home all day with our children gives us a great chance to lead by example. What kind of example do we want to show our kids? Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be the perfect wife/mother every day. You have to decide what is and isn’t important to you. What lessons do you want to teach? What kind of example do you want to show?
Most often around here the laundry goes untouched because we’re just too busy doing stuff. And that’s ok. I want them to learn that spending time together is more important than folding underwear. But I can see that my pile of half finished crafts makes me a bit hypocritical when I urge my oldest to finish the page he’s doing before moving on to the next one. It’s the little things that sometimes teach the biggest lesson, often when we’re not paying attention.
I’m curious what others think about this? Can you see where you do the things you tell your children not to do? What kind of an example does that teach them? Should we be that worried about it?
p.s. The spam filter is still hating me, so every comment goes straight into my spam file. If your comment doesn’t show up or disappears don’t worry, I’ll get it.
homeschooling, parenting, children
January 17th, 2008 at 8:07 am
I understand her sentiment and agree with it to a degree (the computer thing, especially!). However, one of the benefits I see to homeschooling is that it happens in the midst of ‘real life’, not separate, in a ’special building’. Also, I don’t think having unfinished projects is necessarily a bad thing—I think it shows my kids what I see as a priority (my learning to crochet–not a priority; having clean underwear–a priority). Also, it lets them know that if they start a project and absolutely hate it, they can stop doing it, or change it until it becomes something they enjoy. But, this was good food for thought, especially as I review my morning email and start commenting on blogs while my kids wake up to a cartoon! Ack!
One other quick story: I was once talking to my neighbor’s (who is a SAHM) daughter (who was about 9), and she told me that she wanted to be a mom when she grew up so that she could “just stay home all day and do nothing”. My kids SEE what I do all day and I doubt they’d EVER say something like that.
January 17th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Mea Culpa.
January 17th, 2008 at 9:32 am
The hardest thing I’ve ever done is to face the fact that my kids will really only comprehend what they see from me … not what I say.
It has also been very freeing. I’ve been able to take an honest assessment of what is REALLY important, because I’m an adult … and I know what you can put off and what is vital and how long you can go on one thing without it making everything else explode, and yet knowing that time with my family will live longer than a clean dish - so I realize: BOOM! Queen of Time Management in a very real and practical way!
Yet, this equals to everything. How am I teaching my children to react to conflict, with each other and with peers? How am I teaching them to love themselves?
Those are the kind of questions that kick you in the butt everyday and force you to grow. It’s a good thing, but woefully painful!!!!
January 17th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Hi! I’m glad you found the post of interest.
I want to assure those who don’t know me as well that I am no perfectionist.I am actually very laid back and one of the most “relaxed” homeschoolers around. If you read my blog long enough this will appear obvious!LOL! These things I mention in my post are all things I am having trouble with myself. I want to be a good example for my children and these are a few areas I picked out that I think I can work on. It was sort of a new-years-resolution-type post.
As far as the crafts and projects go, I understand that things go unfinished from time to time for good reasons like life getting busy, interests waning, etc. Lord knows I have a stack of them calling my name. The sewing laid aside to in favor of a good book or the woodworking that has to wait because the baby is sick doesn’t concern me. What does concern me, however, is when projects get started one after the other and then get abandoned one after another as soon as they become a little difficult, or tedious or any other poor excuse. Then I have developed the problem and habit of never seeing anything through to completion. This can’t be a good example for my children.I want them to learn that a job well done is a source of pride. I want them to experience the feeling of satisfaction when they stick with a project past the time the initial shine wears off and they end up with a product of real worth.
So, far from being a slave-driver, I just want to try to make more of an effort to finish what I start and hope that my pleasure at seeing it through to the end will inspire my children to do the same.
Anyway, I hope I have made myself a little more clear and that folks understand I am only trying to do better myself. My faults are far too numerous to set my sights on perfection!LOL!
January 17th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Great amount of feedback. You have a following. Here’s a perspective from long ago. I helped raise a friend’s children for several years. It was a very difficult time in their lives. My life was far from perfect. I was also very active and took them everywhere with me (besides work). They knew their mother and I needed our own time, were active in our communities, had creative interests and made special time for each of them. They saw us in good times and bad. If I analyzed the examples I set, the rough times when before leaving for school, one child with trouble in spelling had to be quizzed by me (she didn’t like it) and other myriads of tense moments (as well as joyful ones) I might be skeptical about how they viewed those years.
They adopted a lot of our traits, communication skills, community involvement, and creativity. What amazes me is what they remember and tell me about those years. 1) You were more of a mother than my own mother.2) You made us feel safe and loved. 3) When things were really tough later, we would remember….often trivial small kindnesses we share. Stuff that you would never think that mattered.
You are homeschooling and making an incredible committment to your childrens education. You are teaching them that they matter. That education is important and fun. You are there as a guide, and you are human. They depend on you, trust you, and your humaness and love surpass everything else. You have integrity every day, and the family works together. Trust me little else matters as much. Mary MacIntyre
January 18th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Christine:
Do I have to grow and learn? Can’t I just be a lump on the log?
Theresa:
Don’t worry, no one around this blog makes any claims for perfection. We certainly wouldn’t hold anyone else to it! LOL
Mary:
Thank you for sharing that. You’re right, just being here for them is teaching them so much in how they matter and how much I care.
Still, it is hard not to look at the little things and wonder what am I teaching them about life. Here I am living it in front of them, it makes me think about what traits they are learning that I wish they wouldn’t.
January 18th, 2008 at 10:58 am
YICKS! When put that away……
It does kind of shine some light on things.
But, I love blogging!
January 19th, 2008 at 12:55 am
I often refer in my head to when my mother would tell me to “always finish a task before starting a new one” and how important that was for her in word. yet…there’s a few craft projects that she started BEFORE I came along, and still sit unfinished. I also look at how that just simply doesn’t work for me. I need time to get away from my projects so that I can look at them from afar, come back to them refreshed and with different perspective. Now..that doesn’t apply to everything, but in my scattered brain it made perfect sense. What was I trying to say? Don’t remember anymore
January 19th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Hi, you know this is a very good point because we are the examples our children live by. That is why I try to be with them during the day and not online unless I am writing, and they see that as mommy’s version of school so they understand that….but no I think we need to be the best example we can be for our kids especially the older the kids are….raising teens now and soon to have one who will be driving and wants a job, I need him to understand what responsibility means and consequences when we fail to meet them. Great blog. And that is why I have added you to the Homeschool Cafe blogroll at the Cafe at the End of the Universe. I also have a writing blog for my personal writing and a Book review blog.
Blessings,
Mama Bear
January 29th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Absolutely. But when it comes to the Internet, parents could become a lot more savvy about research and how children can LEARN.
Mom can check out Google Scholar, for example, look up virtually anything, instead of reading all those personal blogs.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:41 am
[...] ponders Just What Is Mom Teaching? at Mom Is [...]
January 29th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
On the other hand, what are we teaching our kids if we don’t allow ourselves a little “Me” time? There will always be more housework that could be done no matter how much time we devote to it. I could slave away from sun up to sun down trying to emulate Martha Stewart but I’d be pretty unhappy. Nobody wants to be around a martyr…