Mom Is Teaching

I thought I could, I really tried. But when it comes down to it there’s a part of me that just cannot walk away from a debate. Especially one that riles me up as much as homeschooling does. Bryan over at Sympathy Pain doesn’t like homeschooling. That’s fine, really. It’s not going to be for everyone. But his reasoning is just, well… not steeped in reality. More like the same old myths that keep being brought back up. And then he goes into parenting that just pushed my buttons.

So in my failed attempt of walking away (hey, can’t always be the bigger person) here’s my breakdown of his arguments.

First he has to jump on the “socialization” button. It’s almost become a cliche, this odd belief that homeschoolers are socially inept. While not said there’s this underlying tone that obviously sending kids to school makes them more socialized. I’m not sure how many people he deals with on a daily basis, but from my experience there are far more socially challenged people that went to public school than were homeschooled. I do not have the book on me, but a friend of mine wrote about the book “Home Educated and Now Adults” by Brian D. Ray, Ph.D.A great study on homeschoolers and their lives after school. Let’s just say it shines a bright light on that dark myth of the socially lacking homeschooler. One great tidbit:

Taking all things into consideration, 59% of the subjects reported that they were “very happy” with life, while 27.6% of the general U.S. population is “very happy” with life.

Of course it is because he “has known a few”. Personally that has always seemed like the easiest way for someone to prove their point without actually proving it. I don’t know Bryan so this is not an assumption on him, just the argument. There are some people who take meeting 1 person and change that into “well everyone who I know…”. It’s true, and yet misleading. Perhaps that one person you met had blue skin and was from Mars, but you cannot take that to mean that all Martians have blue skin. Want to meet a few homeschoolers are are doing well, here you go. Even better, meet some face to face. Since Bryan is in Alabama here are some for him to get to know. Alabama Homeschooling, here’s a list of Alabama Support groups you can visit with, and here is the homeschool classifieds for Alabama. Go hang out with some homeschoolers and see if they really are so different.

This argument also assumes that all homeschoolers walk about wearing armbands or waving flags that clearly label them as homeschoolers. Perhaps the girl who checked out your groceries is homeschooled, or the boy who took your order at the restaurant. The woman who you chat with at the bank might be a homeschool graduate, or the man who worked on your car. Unless you question every person you come in contact with you cannot accurately say that all homeschoolers are anything. OK, there is one thing you can say: homeschoolers are all human and not a separate species. And in being human each one is different, some will be shy and some will be outgoing. It is just a part of human nature and not a reflection on homeschooling, despite what some would like to believe.

Then we have the defensive “I’m a teacher and you’re not” approach. One that many teachers get into when confronted with homeschooling. The fact is that teachers are trained to teach a classroom full of strangers, each with unique needs, in a way that allows the majority to pass a test at the end of the year. A parent deals with a child they already know well, have a relationship with, and have a greater motivation to educate. It is comparing apples and oranges. I admit I could never teach a classroom, but that is far from what I or any other homeschooling parent is doing. And we are certainly not doing so “from a pamphlet and a book” as he claims. The number of resources out there that homeschoolers can and do use is staggering. There are numerous teacher supply stores that welcome homeschoolers to shop, making all of the tools available to teachers also with any homeschooling family’s reach. And luckily, unlike a classroom teacher, we can change what we are doing and how we are doing it if it is not working on a case by case basis. (As a side note I would suggest any one to read Mr Gatto’s The 7 Lesson School Teacher. Mr Gatto was a teacher himself and was the 1991 New York State Teacher of the Year.)

He goes on to call homeschooling parents an “arm chair quarterback a classroom of one”. Clearly, he is not a sports fan. According to MSC the definition of an armchair quarterback is:

somebody who is certain that he or she can make better calls than the coaches or players while watching a competitive sport on television

Now, if I were standing outside the classroom shouting at the teacher through the door then I could be called an armchair quarterback. However homeschooling parents take an active role in teaching and guiding their children. There is no “watching a competitive sport on television”, we have actively jumped into the game. One could almost make the claim that his advice to “Be an aide. Work the concession stands. Go on field trips. Join the PTA” is more the armchair quarterbacking. I don’t see how working a concession stand or selling cookies for the PTA is a more active role in my children’s education than teaching them myself.

And there is the typical praise of schools for children in horrible situations. Which is great, and I certainly applaud those teachers who work to help children in such situations. However, just because some schools arewhat some students need does not mean that all schools are what all students need. It is silly to point to one small group of schools as a reason why all schools are worthwhile.

After this he begins to insult the parenting skills of homeschoolers. Bryan is so stuck in his black and white views that he automatically assumes that if parents made educational choices he disapproves of them they must also be making parenting choices he disapproves of. Let’s break those down, shall we.

Raise a student who, by default, is the teachers pet. When and if they raise their hand, they will always be called on. That sets them up for the real world.

Perhaps life in his household is different, that is where we can’t see eye to eye. When I talk to my partner, my parents, or anyone else I never have to raise my hand. Am I alone in this? Anyone else out there that speaks freely? So why on earth would I make my child raise his hand? Perhaps you are trying to say that homeschooled children will be rude and self centered. Perhaps you do not spend enough time with children. All children can be rude, can interrupt conversations, can get in the middle trying to get attention. But as a parent I am able to show them how to be patient and take turns, even when speaking. Or did you think that skill required a teacher as well? This seems more of a lack of faith in parents than in homeschoolers.

Raise someone who doesn’t know how to handle a bully. Some of the greatest life lessons I learned where how to outsmart those wanting to do me harm.

This could go two ways. Either he is saying that the only way to learn how to deal with a bully is in the classroom, and if that is the case then there is no real life reason to learn that lesson and it is unnecessary. Or there are many real life reasons to learn how to handle bullies, in which case children can learn how to do that in *gasp* real life. You know, at the park, the zoo, in dance class, in scouts, in summer camp, and all the other places you can easily find homeschoolers. Or did you really think we hide in caves all day never letting our kids see the light of day. Guess I better stop letting my oldest play touch football with the neighborhood boys.

Raise someone who isn’t ready for that first time that they feel rejection from a superior. Or that first time they really connect with a mentor.

Again, are you still stuck in that believe that homeschoolers hide away all day? Really, it seems someone needs to enter the real world and it isn’t the homeschoolers. What do you think we do all day if you think we never interact with other human beings? Homeschooled children meet superiors often. Their own parents and grandparents for one example. But beyond this there is the scout leader, the church youth minister, the dance teacher, the librarian, and all of the other adults and older children that they interact with. And yes, unfortunately, there will be a feeling of rejection from time to time. But thankfully there will also be be moments when they connect.

We also have the “if you don’t like it, fix it.” argument. There one where it is said that if homeschoolers do not like the way their schools are run they should work to solve them. I am sure there are many homeschoolers who do actively try to work with their schools. Personally, I feel that as my child’s parent it is my job to help my child. Not a classroom ful of other parent’s children. I refuse to martyr my sons in the hopes that if I complain enough at the PTA meetings they might change a thing or two. I just do not have the energy to put into that, the faith that one parent’s complaints could fix an entire system, nor the motivation. If it only takes one parent then why should that be the homeschoolers? Why not lay that burden on the parents who choose to send their children to that school? If I hated the coffee at a certain store should I continue going back in hopes that my sugestions might improve it, or should I find a different coffee shop that I do like? The same applies to my children’s education, only with a much larger longterm effect. In the end I can shrug my shoulders and say “Oh well, the coffee was bad.” and try again later. With my children’s education I simple cannot shrug it off as “I tried” and hope it gets better later. I have right now, and right now I am going to do the most that I can to give my children the best education I can.

We end with the oh so common “but what about college” argument. Perhaps he hasn’t heard that some colleges are actively recruiting homeschoolers because they are more self-motivated.

So at some point, if your child goes to college, they will enter the world of structured classrooms. How better to prepare them for that than public school.

I disagree. I feel that the best place to prepare them for college and for life as an adult is by letting them be a part of the real world. Where they have to get to class on time of their own accord and not because of some distant bell ringing or adult lecturing, where they must manage themselves, and where they can direct their own educational futures. He’s right that you can’t become a doctor from home, luckily Harvard, Brown, and BU are taking in homeschoolers. However, let’s remember that not everyone who is successful in life went to college. Just as with public schooled students there are some homeschoolers who choose not to go to college because that is not where their path takes them.

At least he says one thing I can agree with.

It takes a village to raise a child. Don’t put them in a bubble

He’s right. It takes a village. The baker, the farmer, the police, all the people in the real world who haven’t set foot in a classroom since they graduated. Luckily homeschoolers don’t spend 8 hours a day stuck in a brick bubble, they are free to be a part of the world around them and experience life. They can watch a baker making bread instead of reading about it in a book, they can talk to the postman in the middle of the day instead of hearing a lecture once a year on career day, they can visit the library and the zoo and the museum during the day when they are the least crowded and have more opportunities to get hands on learning. They get to be a part of the real world every day.

homeschooling, education, debate, public schools