How To Hate On Homeschoolers Properly
In the genre of anti-home education rants there are certain points that must be followed, a formula that should always be used. Jack read his copy of the anti-home education guidebook, probably several times. I think that’s why he did such a spot on job of taking each and every one of the rules and applying them so well.
I thought as a public service I would share the 5 rules you have to follow to write a rant as powerful and defined as Jack’s is. I have seen so many people try to discredit home education but fall short every time of really publishing the kind of rant that has most of us falling out of our chairs in fits of laughter. This is for those who have the desire but are uncertain of just what to say.
- First and foremost stereotypes are your friend. Love them, care for them, and stick by them unconditionally. If the current stereotype is that all home educating families are from Mars and wear green polka dot jumpsuits then you better make sure you make that point in your rant. Often. A quick glimpse online will let you know how you should wrap all home educating families. Currently we’re all anti-diversity, anti-science, bible beaters. Remember, the common stereotypes change often depending on who has a headline to sell so check often.
- Research, forget about it! That’s the kind of crazy, anti-patriotic thing that home educators would do. You don’t need sources, facts, figures, or data of any kind to prove your claims. Name calling and tugging on the emotional responses of others is more than enough. If you can get readers tingling in fear of what those home educators might be doing you’ve already won half the war. Just imagine they’re home, alone, with their children, on purpose. Clearly something foul is going on.
- Find someone who agrees with you and is willing to say so. Be sure that this one person is a teacher, professor, guidance counselor, or works in education in some way. Work for a quote that explains how they meet home educated students every day and they are all dumb as rocks and/or socially inept. Be sure to ignore any data that shows how intelligent and socially normal home educated students are. Also ignore any data, or personal experience, that would show that not every single public schooled child is bright, happy, and well adjusted. Remember research is for the home educators, you don’t want to align yourself with them by fact checking.
- Demand reporting, testing, and some sort of qualifications for all home educating families. All children belong to the state and as such parents are required to keep the children left in their care at the standards that the government dictates. An extra boost comes if you also threaten that students not living up to the standards should be removed from their “families” and returned to their real homes, the public schools. As always, ignore any data that indicates that these same standards and qualifications are not working so well in the schools or the data showing lenient states are fairing no worse than strict states. It’s not really about the education of the children, but showing those pesky parents who is really in charge of their kids.
- Last, but certainly not least, blame the parents. No matter how bad the school is, no matter what did or did not happen, no matter how the system may be failing the fault is always on the parents. Teachers stretched too far? Should have sold more brownies for the PTA. No money for the classrooms? Should have donated your paychecks. Bullies? Why didn’t you quit your job to monitor the hallways? Was your child passed on to the next grade without actually knowing the material? Well you’re the parent, why didn’t you teach Billy to read? Oh, wait…
You see, with this simple 5 step formula anyone can put together a rant on the dangers of home education that would brings tears to the eye. If nothing else tears of laughter after Doc tears it apart piece by piece. With research and facts even. Oh will those diabolical home educating families never stop!
home education, Jack Lessenberry, education, rants, humor
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
“Currently we’re all anti-diversity, anti-science, bible beaters.”
Oh, great. I didn’t get that memo. If I wasn’t in the middle of making pita and hummus to teach my son about his Persian ancestry I’d stop what I was doing to dust off my Bible and put my microscope in storage.
Unfortunately, I can’t make time for that because we’re having guests for dinner (Sssshh… don’t tell Jack that two of them are African-Americans who served with my Scottish-ancestry husband in the Army, which means we’re all patriotic as well as diverse). And I won’t even mention that our guests are bringing their children, including the Korean infant they adopted.
Because, you know, it’s a School Night and I’d hate to give the impression that we’re slackers on top of everything else.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
[…] Lesson of the Day: How to Hate on Us April 23, 2008 — Tammy Summer offers a lesson on how to properly put together an anti-homeschooling rant. She gets an A+ for her homeschooling lesson of the day. Posted in Education - General, […]
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Summer, I give you an A+ on your instruction.
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I’ve heard we’re supposed to wear overalls, but I’m not sure where to buy some?
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Excellent!Love it!
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Memarie Lane - Don’t be silly. You’re supposed to sew them dear. Isn’t that what we homeschooling mothers do?
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Don’t forget the Birkenstocks.
You know we love them Birkenstocks!
Summer, please tell me you sent this intellectual giant a corrected copy of his drivel! It just screams for red ink.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:36 am
I LOVE THIS
April 24th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I thought Jack’s ‘home doctoring’ analogy was interesting, considering that most parents doctor their kids all the time by deciding when an illness or injury is serious enough to require ‘professional’ medical attention and treating them when it isn’t. Can you imagine the lines at the doctor’s office if every parent had to consult a medical expert for every fever, injury, cough, or rash? Why is there a medical Do-It-Yourself aisle in every store, stocked with medications and ointments for every conceivable malady if it isn’t socially/culturally acceptable to doctor one’s children at home?
It’s amazing how everything is the fault of the parents one minute, but if a parent takes responsibility then they are going too far. And how about parents helping kids with homework? Hello? Isn’t that home educating?
Arrogance and ignorance make a wearisome pair. You hit the nail on the head, Summer.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Oh will those diabolical home educating families never stop!
I hope not, and I’m glad you didn’t — brava!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Only one thing to add. Okay, two.
Denim jumpers are NOT sexy.
I’m not a him, he, guy, or dude.
Okay, three.
I’m not an atheist.
I tried to comment on the blogs that perpetuated these myths, but they’re all blogger driven and blogger hates me.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I’m completely with you on the denim jumper thing. Yeesh.
However, you must admit that Birkenstocks are good to go.
(Not when worn with toe socks, though.)
April 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
It’s also important (though Jack must have missed this memo) to include a number of typos and misspellings, and use incorrect grammar. I just have to laugh when I read a rant from an anti-homeschooler that tells me that “your hurting your kid by homeschooling them” or “school is best when its taught at school” or the like.
Not that every hs’er has perfect grammar, but it seems like we are more exact than our detractors.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
As a 28 year old mother of a two year old who was homeschooled from first through twelfth grades, I applaud you for this well thought out and humorous blog! There is nothing to be said which will change the mind of such close-minded folks. Much better to respond with humor and poise! Thank you!
April 24th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Haha! I just realized that the wording of my last comment made it sound as if my two year old was homeschooled through all twelve grades. That’s what I get for proofreading after I post rather than before.
I would be the one who was homeschooled all of those years. And I plan on homeschooling my little one as well!
April 29th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
LOL!!! That was excellent! Thanks for the laughs!
May 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Excellent.
Perhaps you ought to think about expanding this to book form so that you could profit from such a well-thought out lesson.
The title Hating On Homeschoolers for Edutards comes to mind.