Mom Is Teaching

Ok, so there’s a great article circulating out there, the link is Be an Advocate for Your Special Needs Child and since I’ve posted enough here this month to cause eye strain, I’m leaving you with that little tip for a great article.

Also, moving my personal public school rants back to my personal blog, sorry to clog you all up here.

Cross Posted at Mental & Emotional Health

I know that seems a bit overly dramatic but we did make it to see the child psychiatrist today.  One of the issues that she felt is a problem is anxiety.  Sound familiar?  I mean, you know, his mommy has some serious issues with anxiety. 

And yes, there were other issues out there that we discussed.  Words like sensory disorders and ODD or oppositional defiance disorder.  I am really buying the ODD part and we know that one of the issues with this perfect little man is that he is stubborn.  Poor guy, he came by that honestly.  So, if we are keeping score here, he is anxious because of his mommy and he suffers from being stubborn because of me and heck, I can even make a case for the sensory disorder being my problem. 

However, that would mean he had none of his father’s genes, and by darn, his dad is taking responsibility for something……so we are going to stick the ODD on him.  Stubborn is one thing, ODD is completely different.  Blame that one on dad (as if we need to blame anyone, but whatever).

So, we saw the doctor at 8 AM, the therapist had an opening at 11 and we went to Target and bought 2 slinkies and then went back for therapy.  He did fine.  Both times they told him that “mom needs to go to the bathroom, can you stay with me?” and both times, he said no and grabbed onto my leg for dear life. 

The doctor actually just stood up, ushered me out and he stayed with her as if nothing was any different than ever.  She did have me leave my jacket and phone and water.  The therapist was a bit sneakier, she simply got in the floor, broke out the play-doh and it was on then.  She is a certified play therapist. 

I’m not sure if that is anything like a physical education teacher, or a physical therapist, or somewhere in between.  Either way, I liked her, this is the same doctor we saw with my oldest son when he seemed to be speech delayed and if you read any of my other blogs, you know that the child talks so much that he earned a sit in the back of his kindergarten classroom on the 6th day of school. 

So, yea, he caught up.  But, this doctor was thorough.  And, in reality, with him the counseling was more a change in behavior and therapy for my me and my husband.  So, we will see how it all pans out…..

Stay tuned…and in the meantime….is he not the cutest little kid you’ve ever seen?

Let me first start by clarifying a really silly issue.  As it was brought to my attention tonight, the thought of “find another doctor” simply isn’t really a simple issue for us.  I don’t know if I have mentioned this over here really but I have a broken ankle and a torn ligament.  I did this about 4 weeks ago.  I’ve been in a cast for four weeks and as it appears, I have at least 4 more to go.  I’ve been discussing it a lot on twitter and someone asked me today why didn’t I just change doctors.  That’s when I realized that most of you probably don’t realize a couple of things.

First of all, we live in the deep woods of no where Alabama.  So, when we choose a doctor, we choose one we want.  Now, I know that many people don’t have this liberty because they have to have referrals from primary care physicians or they don’t have insurance at all.  So, when I didn’t like what my doctor had to say about my foot, changing doctors was easily an option.  IF and I say that with much trepidation because I know so many people that have no insurance at all, but, IF I decide I want to change doctors….I’m looking at a 90 mile one way drive.

Yes, you read that correctly, 90 miles one way.  So, I choose doctors that are close to me.  I choose doctors I like and I generally choose doctors that come to a small town that’s really out of my way but has a lot of doctors that come from Birmingham, Alabama one day a week or something.  So, yes I can be picky because I don’t need referrals and all that jazz, but my options…they are terribly limited. 

So, with that, my son and I got out of bed at the ungodly (for us anyway) hour of 6 AM this morning, left home at 6:30 and barely made it to his 8:00 AM appointment.  Now, I’ve already been to this office once alone to do the “adult intake” so that the doctor and therapist would be familiar with the issues with Jace prior to our “real appointment” and they also don’t like for the mom to talk about the child too much in front of the child. 

Now, there are no child psychiatrist closer to me.  There are none even in the town that’s closer and more convenient than the one I normally choose.  Our options are limited.  If I research really hard, I can find one more clinic in Birmingham that takes children.  And, that particular clinic is the only one that takes Medicaid so you can imagine the wait time involved.  I mean, we waited 6 weeks almost for this appointment where we are.  With only one Medicaid clinic in the entire North section of Alabama, yea, the wait would be much worse.

Where am I going with this?  I am explaining to you that I didn’t just give up on dealing with my son and jump straight to the doctor and ask for help.  We have worked with this kid a lot.  We have a lot of time invested strictly in the potty training issues.  But the anger issues, we basically thought it was just that he was stubborn.  And, possibly that is the case, but I didn’t run to the doctor just because he was a bit defiant. 

All that to say, I certainly don’t wish to drive 90 miles, one way, at 6:30 AM so someone else can potty train my son or teach him not to throw chairs at me.  I don’t normally respond to negative comments but I did want to make it clear that this wasn’t an issue where we just jumped in the car and run to the doctor because we didn’t know what to do or have no backbone. 

Trust me when I tell you we have backbone.  I am a former school teacher.  My husband was raised by ill-intentioned grandparents and he is very strict with our children.  And, by most of my family’s standards, our kids walk a straight line.  So, with that, I’m going to assume that you all know and understand that “going to the doctor” was not meant to be a quick fix for us.  We will go to therapy once a week, 90 miles one way, for as long as it takes. 

Now, that means that I also have to make arrangements for my other son to get to school or to get home one.  And, with my mom in Florida, that’s no small feat.  And, with that, I’m leaving this subject be.

Now, if you can tolerate much more of this, I’ll get to the doctor’s visit in a few hours….whew!  That was painful to write.  I am not a natural at confrontation and defense…I don’t like it, but I felt like it was necessary.  I have so many great readers and commenters that I really shouldn’t let one bad apple upset me, but ………

I had just posted on my personal blog about how I received the ultimate compliment in a comment and then this bad apple came through my email.  Either way, I’m good…now. 

*If it’s ok for me to add, all that doctor running, a trip to t-ball practice, dinner and all that jazz and it’s midnight and I’m up twittering and writing blog posts.  Not because anyone makes me, but because I choose to.  I just normally choose to do it during the day but today…..today I drove 90 miles to the doctor…90 miles one way…I don’t want you to forget that part, lol**

But, he is cute, eh?

I walked into my son’s class this morning carrying a bunch of Science Fair posters in one hand and the corner of a cardboard box with "Holiday Rotation Supplies" printed on it in the other.

My son’s teacher laughed a little to see how I was physically juggling items, just as we mentally juggle items during the chaos of the holiday season.

As I rearranged one shelf in the classroom so that I could place my "supplies" box on it for the various volunteer parents to put their donations inside, my son’s teacher quipped up, "You know, [your son] said he doesn’t celebrate Chanukah." It almost sounded like an accusation.

I tensed up a bit, started babbling a little bit as I straightened the box, and then turned towards her: "Well, um, we mainly celebrate Christmas…"

She looked at me directly, "You said you were Jewish."

"Um, no." I felt very uncomfortable, "No… When I offered to bring a menorah in for our holiday rotation to share with the students, you asked ‘Do you celebrate?’ and I said ‘yes’ because I wasn’t going to launch into a whole explanation, but…"

And I proceeded to explain that while I am Christian by birth, I have had lots of opportunity to enjoy Jewish traditions. I mentioned how I took a Judaic Studies course in college and ended up being the babysitter for that professor. He trusted me enough in his kosher kitchen to let me help out significantly during a Passover Seder.

I love learning about different religions, and I felt really drawn to the Jewish culture and traditions. I felt very "at home" with my Jewish friends. And so, I have a menorah. I have Chanukah books. I understand more about Judaism than the "average" Christian.

But talking to the teacher this morning, I was uncomfortable. She had been so excited to learn that my fellow party planner and I are familiar with Chanukah. The teacher is Jewish. My fellow party planner is Jewish. But I am not. I didn’t feel it necessary to specifically point that out after I offered to bring in a menorah, but in many ways it turned into a "lie by omission."

Had I launched into a whole discussion of my college passion for Judaic Studies at that moment while we were discussing the party, it would have been taken as "too much information," or even worse, some sort of insult to Judaism by insisting that I am not Jewish. But by not saying anything, I was an imposter.

I feel the same way about autistic spectrum disorders sometimes. At times, I "reveal" my son’s diagnosis. And other times, I don’t. It seems phony either way.

For my son’s behavior, sometimes letting people know of the spectrum diagnosis can be useful, but I certainly don’t want to use it as an "excuse" nor do I want to create bias, an expectation that he’ll behave differently than other kids at all times, when it is likely the quirks will be more infrequent. But then if I don’t say anything, on a "bad day" he’s seen as disrespectful, or teachers/parents will query if I’ve "gotten him help," which of course I have.  Depending on one’s perspective, he is either exceptionally "high functioning" on the autistic spectrum, or "quirky, wild, and sometimes a troublemaker" if compared to "neurotypical" kids. It is all about point of view.

Shortly after my son was asked to leave a private kindergarten, I visited a bunch of schools and programs designed for kids "on the spectrum." The kids I observed and met were very impaired compared to my son. For those moms, saying that my child is on the spectrum is in some ways hurtful, because my experience is vastly different than theirs. In the midst of "classically autistic" kids, my son is very high-functioning, but even to say that does a great disservice to those kids and their families. I don’t wish to be ashamed of the diagnosis, and yet sometimes it comes across that way when I want to acknowledge that my life is probably much easier than those moms whose children are more impaired.

It is tough to know when to explain, and when to not. Be it a medial diagnosis, religious or cultural preference, or just about anything else. It is tough to find balance between too much information, and too little.

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This guest post was written by Karianna of The Karianna SpectrumBest wishes to Jerri Ann as she juggles all of her holiday chaos!