Mom Is Teaching

As most of you probably know by now, my kids are playing organized sports.  I know it’s a big sore spot with many people but for me, it was just the natural progression.  Both kids are doing really well with it.  I contribute that to being picky about who we let our children play with and what coaches we choose.  The man and his son that coach their team truly care about the kids.  You can’t fake the kind of enjoyment and excitement that they show in the kids, good or bad, win or lose.

The older man will tell me, I like to play but I prefer to win, but not once have I seen him act like he really was bothered by it all.  I mean, yes, they are just 4 and 6 and the kids don’t even ask who won and so he doesn’t make a big deal about it front of the kids, but when it’s just us, we all get a big kick out of him talking about winning. 

But, naturally there’s always debates going on about when a kid is ready for organized sports and if some kids are ever ready.  My 6 year old played for the first time last year and I don’t think he could have handled it before that.  My 4 year old is doing wonderful in it already.  It’s just a personality difference and we were simply capable of meeting both of their needs. 

So, anyway, I ran up on this website and it has tons of information and one article in particular on this subject.  I’m wondering what you guys think?

This is the coach and his son and his father (the grandfather) is the other coach I mentioned above.  Isn’t this a wonderful shot? 

When I graduated from college, my philosophy was to teach as much as I could teach all while allowing the children to play.  The idea, count while we do jumping jacks, do multiplication facts while we do sit-ups, list the states and capitals while we jump rope, or even do spelling words while we shoot hoops.  It was a grand plan that college had prepared me for.  When I got my first job, that was a joke.  I still believed, but when you have 60 kids at once, it is somewhat more difficult.  The best physical educators I know, or I should say the most successful or the most long-lasting physical education teachers I know, don’t do much more than toss out a ball and blow a whistle whilst sitting in a nearby chair.

I hate that.  I quit I hated it so much.

Then, as I started to buy the daycare, I had to meet these certain stipulations.  One of them was teaching in a daycare for a year or having a degree in early childhood.  Ok, fine, I had done both, but my degree, although my teaching certificate said, N-12 which stands for nursery school through grade twelve, was not sufficient.  UH?

I fought the system.  Who better qualified to teach pre-school children how to play while learning than a physical education teacher with a degree that studied preschool age children?  The Department of Human Resources was not amused. 

Anyway, here’s a few ideas of just what your child can learn from playing.  Parents.com states it like this:

“….taking turns, and working out conflicts becomes possible in the preschool years — though kids will still need help from adults when communication breaks down. And don’t worry if there are a lot of arguments or the kids are unable to share. Learning to play cooperatively takes time and practice!”

“So the next time you see your toddler squishing Play-Doh and then throwing it across the room, don’t think, What a mess! Instead, be proud of the fact that he is hard at work, experimenting with cause and effect, and making sense of the diverse world around him.”

So, how can you do to foster this learning in pre-schoolers?  They can build block towers, play pretend and be there for your child to help him understand taking turns, empathy, etc.

So,, when you start toy shopping, look for toys that meet the needs for enhance sensory thinking, puppets, dolls, trucks, push toys for motor skills and pretend play,

So, anyone else have any good ideas?

If you would like to subscribe to Parents Magazine, you can go here to get a year free or a two years at a discount price…

Yes, you read that right, Homework Potato.  Kids need to run, they need to yell, they need to roll on the ground, dig in the dirt, make mud pies.  They need to be free for a little while.

And, so I give you Chapter 4 of TCAH entitled The Creation of the Homework Potato.  I won’t give away all their juice, but some things were staggering and I couldn’t resist.

• Since 1980’s, the number of overweight children it the U.S. has tripled. 
• Since the 1980’s, the number of children with diabetes has increased dramatically.

Some more food for thought:

• homework is a major obstacle to kids who need to lose weight
• in many schools, recess doesn’t exist and physical education is only taught two or three times a week….

And, from TCAH says,

“…..4,600 U.S. elementary schools have no recess at all …..and physical education classes aren’t physical anymore….Even when kids do have physical education…..after teachers manage kids’ behavior and taught them rules, there was an average of 4.8 minutes left in class for vigorous activity”

People, I taught physical education.  My first year, there were two p.e. teachers and 600 children a day.  I am not kidding you. 

How many of you would volunteer to work at the McDonald’s play area for 8 hours a day, five days a week with anywhere from 80 to 120 different students coming in one door and going out another every 30 minutes?

Unfortunately, that’s what physical education has come to these days…thus we get that “homework potatoes”.   Don’t let it happen to your kid!

Ok, so let’s talk about a few other manners.  Here’s another one that I have no problem with one child but the other is a major pain in the arse.  My oldest loves to talk.  He didn’t get his momma’s genes for no reason.  He has a seat at the back of the room, facing the wall because he simply can’t seem to keep that little rattle trap closed.

So, for Walker, he looks for reasons to talk.  Saying, “I’m sorry” or “excuse me” are good reasons to talk and he takes full advantage of any and all occasions.  He even likes it so much, that when he meets someone new, he quickly greets the stranger with a hello and if it is someone I’ve introduced him to, he knows to call them by the name I use when I introduce him. 

For instance, I call his teacher Tiffany, because that’s who I know, is Tiffany.  But, when I introduced him to her, I introduced him to Mrs. X.   Our main concern with him is that he will talk to anyone.  And, my fear is, that with a little prodding, he would go with a stranger if he was convinced it was ok.  That is scary and our last trip to the beach proved that and we had to have a talk with him about talking to strangers. 

Now, my second born, he is not speaking to anyone.  He doesn’t say hello to strangers or even family if he doesn’t want to.  (See yesterday’s post where he will do without food and drink if it means he has to say excuse me when he burps).  But, we are working on it.  He is simply not the social one like his brother and it is a bit more difficult.

And, finally, this last one hasn’t been too difficult for us just yet either but I suspect it is a matter of what they hear at home.  Remember your mom telling you, ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”?  Well, since Wayne and I aren’t particularly rude to one another nor are the majority of the people my children are around on a regular basis, they simple follow this rule without thinking about it.  However, I am sure that the longer we are in public school, the more we will hear and this may become an issue then.

I do know that one of the kids in Walker’s class has two older brothers who walk around picking on one another all the time.  Their mother says they get out of bed and the first thing they say to each other is rude and obnoxious.  I would some examples but really, they are rude and obnoxious. 

Ok, I thought of one, something like “you’re an idiot” and the other says, “so your clothes don’t match so you’re gay”.  And, it goes on from there.  I know that the more Walker hears this stuff the harder it will be to help him understand that it is uncalled for.  But for now, when we get out of bed in the morning, we say “good morning” with an occasional laugh and a “hey, you have bedhead bad”.  That one is usually aimed at me because all these men in my house have buzz cuts.  But, it is done with a joke, not like the boys I mentioned above.

I will say that the advice in Parenting Magazine goes something like this, “avoid watching shows - or, at the very least, discuss the problem behavior with your child.  The example they use is this “Do you think that was mean of Simon to talk to the singer like that?”  I’m sure we all know the reference there but it makes so much sense.  If they hear it from friends or TV and it gets a laugh, they are more likely to do it themselves. 

Ok, closing my mouth on the manners issue for a little while.  I really do think my kids do well as far as I can tell.  And, as for my talking son, his teacher gives him props in every area, she says he is smart, he is nice to the other kids, he is respectful to her but he talks all the doggone time.  So, we shall see how that plays out in his future.

Discuss.

I hear parents, women in particular, bashing a few magazine because they put articles in their magazines that make it look like motherhood is easy and demeans the very fact that it isn’t easy for some of us.  I don’t know which ones right off the top of my head, I just know the ones that I do like and I read them.  If the stories don’t pertain to me or I disagree with them, I skip them.  I’m flexible like that.  I suspect that most of you reading here are as well since I’ve covered lots of topics and in many cases both sides of the issue are represented and we’ve yet to have an argument.  So, with that, I’m going to give you an article I found particularly helpful.

Parent’s Magazine is by far not a favorite of everyone’s because I really do think that sometimes they make it look to easy.  But, last month’s issue had an article in it that I found extremely helpful.  I personally really find this magazine more helpful than anything.

I’m talking about September 2008 issue of Parenting Magazine’s article entitled, Teaching Old-Fashion Values in a Modern World.  My kids aren’t the most polite children in the world by no means, but they do pretty darn good for their age and the events they’ve been subjected to.  For instance, when Walker was three, if he hurt someone, we would tell him to go tell the person that he was sorry.  Here’s how that conversation would play out:

Me to Walker:  you stepped on Mrs. Smith’s toe, now go tell her you are sorry

Walker:  sorry Mrs. Smith

Mrs Smith:  It’s okay

Me to Walker:  did you tell Mrs. Smith you were sorry

Walker:  yea but she said it was ok that I didn’t have to tell her anymore

So, I’m super cautious now if that occurs and I am the one on the receiving end of a child’s apology.  It makes it seem like there is no reason for the apology at all when we all know that isn’t what Mrs. Smith intended the statement to mean.

My three-year-old will take a punishment over saying “Excuse me” when he burps about 90% of the time.  On occasion he does it without a fight, but most of the time, we end up in a battle, he simply is not saying it.  We’ve punished, we’ve refused to let him eat or drink more until he says it and he is just stubborn enough that he doesn’t care.  I know he will out grow out but it sure is horrible when it happens in the middle of a large group of people.

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Here’s one we deal with at home quite a bit.  “Don’t interrupt adults in the middle of a conversation.”  We started working on this one when my kids were really young.  Mainly because I have friends and family who would stop telling you that the house was on fire if their child wanted to interrupt to ask for a lollypop.  I am so not kidding. 

My kids had a hard time at first because they thought as long as they said, “Excuse me Mommy”, I would immediately stop talking to the adult and talk to them.  One of the kids, Walker I think, would stand at your feet and say, “excuse me mommy, excuse me mommy, excuse me mommy” over and over until you listen to him. 

But just like with Mrs. Smith above, when we explained that saying “Excuse Me” only means “I need to tell you something when you are finished and that they still have to wait.  Now, I would say that 99% of the time, they will say “excuse me” and give you at least 2 minutes max to acknowledge them.  It drives my husband crazy but I think 2 minutes for a 3 and 5 year old is a long time when they are excited and want to talk to their parent.  What about you?

The following is the same contest questions answered by my cousin who doesn’t do herself justice in some of these questions.  Her answers are in blue and my comments are in red.  Some of my comments come from prodding her for more information.

1.  Where were you educated?

Public Schools… All small town schools where you know or know of everyone you are going to school with.

2.  Regardless of where, who did the majority

of the teaching?

Elementary and High School majority were sports team coaches and various teachers there for a paycheck, and if they stumbled upon teaching you something, that was a plus(not all , but most)…

Unfortunately this is way to common, the sports team coaches section.

Community College- various teachers, very highly skilled and interested in what they were teaching…

Community College specifically to get a license in PT, very interested in not only the paycheck but the quality of teaching and knowledge she may be passing on to others.

3.  Were you a good student?

I would think so.. held a part-time job in HS while taking advanced courses, volunteer work, president of multiple student-organizations… in college, members of many student organizations while working full-time in management in local retail store

She was a very good student, she was class president all four years of high school.  Didn’t go out on Friday and Saturday nights because she stayed home to study until her Senior year.

4.  Was one type of school chosen over another

for a particular reason?

HS= location and my father went to school there, I was able to ride the bus both to and from school so that my mother and father were both able to work instead of taking me to and from school…

This is exactly the answer that 99% of the children in my area would give to this question.

college= Community College for basics was just location to my home and job and fully paid scholarship

Again, this is the answer from most of the students in this college, a big majority are on scholarship or are there because they live within driving distance.  My cousin had offers from four year schools all over the place but because of her desire to be a physical therapist, she chose the other route.

Community College to get PT license - offered ability to achieve my degree quickly and still work at my current job in the afternoons. I had also heard it was a great school and that the programs and their instructors were excellent.

5.  Will you educate your children in the same

way?

Isn’t that what all small-town parents do? More than likely, my children will be educated in a public school closest to whatever location I settled down in.. although right now, no local schools, due to lack of security measures and increase in drug use on school property, fit  my standards for my kids to attend… due to convenience though, they will probably be public-school educated.

Notice she thinks this question is silly, how else do people get an education is what she said to me.  People in our area simply do not homeschool unless their is a problem and then you never know too much about it.

Also she has been in our local high schools in the last 3 years and she deems them unsafe for her children but safe enough for herself.  Again, if she saw security and drugs as an issue 3 years ago, can you imagine what it is like now?  And, in small town America at that?

6.  Do you think it was appropriate for you?

I think public school was appropriate for me. I was a quiet child for the most part, and needed interaction with other children to “come out of my shell”. I also don’t think the things that other children (the ‘troublemakers’) “got into” were an obstacle for me- I was never tempted, like some children.. I was also ‘naturally’ smart=more or less, I worked harder to get those things that I didn’t understand than other children did.

7.  How much time (on average) each day

(including Saturday and Sunday) did you put

into school work?

Hard to say.. my mother always made me, as a young child, sit down before I could do anything else and study or do my homework. As I grew older, that habit stuck and I always tended to get everything done before I had ‘fun time’ or anything like that. at times, like the night before a test, or if * had a lot of homework.. I might work from 3:30 until 10 or 11 at night.. with a break for food.. none on sat and worked a few hours to review for tests on Sunday.

I happen to know from her mother that she studied til 11 or 12 every night and then usually four or five hours on Saturday and then a couple of hours on Sunday.  Someone wanna argue that this kid lost her childhood?

That was my schedule until I went to community college where I got my license in Physical Therapy and then everything changed and I worked weekdays and then came home and worked on school stuff until I went to bed at around 12.. and then got up at 5:00 every morning. on weekends, I studied all weekend.

How many 20 year olds do you know with this kind of discipline?

8.  What kind of student were you?  Good,

Average, Above Average, Failing  

Above Average.. 4.0 until PT School and then it dropped to about a 3.95 gpa.

9.  Did you graduate high school? yes

10.  Did you go to college or are you in college

now?

graduated

11.  Do you think your high school education

prepared or is preparing you for college?

I believe that my math courses prepared me for college, and Eng. lit too.. but other than that, I don’t think high school really prepared me for anything. maybe my teachers weren’t dedicated enough to really ‘prepare’ me.

if high school didn’t prepare her for anything…what was it for?

12.  Did you take part in extra-curricular

activities?

My extra-curricular activities were singing with gospel group on weekends and working.. and spending time with friends on weekends in HS.. then college, I had no time for anything but studying in PT School 

13.  Generally speaking, did you enjoy school?

I enjoyed school a lot.. I was a good student and loved learning. I also enjoyed making friends and using it as a social meeting.

14.  What would you change about your

education?

I would change my high school teachers dedication in teaching-.. as far as elementary school and junior high go, I think I would leave it the same.

15.  Regardless of who did your teaching, were

your parents adequately educated to

teach/tutor you?  If yes, why do you think

this?  If not, why not?

I believe that my father was adequately educated to tutor me at home until about…. 6th grade. My father is very smart and always helped me by looking over my homework or helping me with problems I didn’t understand. After 6th grade, we started harder math courses and then my father’s hands were tied.. they were not taught above algebra courses. my mother, on the other hand, would always push the homework stuff to my dad because she felt she couldn’t help me. The only thing she would help with was studying ’study guide’ questions for an upcoming test.

I think this would be the answer for most of the people in my part of the world as well.  Sad, but true.

So, obviously while we here in cyber-land see our pasts differently, this interview came from someone who was in high school just a few years ago.  She makes it plain that studying and doing homework took hours and hours of her life.  Now, someone tell me we don’t have a problem?

1.  Where were you educated? I was educated in the public school system.  However, I must add that I attended the best academic high school in our area for that time period.  I can’t say that this school has maintained these standards though.  However, I had the opportunity to take college-prep classes in grades 9 - 12 which were basically taught on a little higher level as well as the option of taking AP Calculus.  I did take the calculus class but I did not take the exam because I knew I wasn’t prepared for it.

2.  Regardless of where, who did the majority

of the teaching?  I agree with most everyone here that the teachers at the school did the majority of my teaching academics but that my parents were responsible for the manners and morals portion.  However, I was fortunate enough to go to a very small school (normally in the range of 100 kids in 9 grades and about 18 in my grade) and because of this, lots of manners, morals and acceptable behaviors were taught and learned just by the nature of the numbers.

3.  Were you a good student? I was a very good student.  I finished extremely high in my high school class and in elementary school I was always the top of my class.  I never had behavior issues either except the one I’ve already mentioned where I was kissing under the mistletoe in seventh grade.  I didn’t talk in class when the teacher said “no talking”, I didn’t do anything except exactly what the teacher told me to do.  I always did my homework and turned it in on time or early.  I walked the straight and narrow (there’s a joke coming about that later, keep reading)

4.  Was one type of school chosen over another

for a particular reason? The only choice we had was public schools so obviously that’s where I went.  My father was a public school teacher and at the time he would have never considered any other type of education to be an option.  I do think if he were now and could afford for me to attend the only private school available in our area, he would try to go that route.  At the time I went to public school in this area, the schools were decent.  Alabama was still at the bottom of the totem pole as far as other states compared but for our area, public schools were the best options. And, as for high school?  I had three options, no zoning rules or anything here at that time (even now they aren’t enforced).  I chose the high school that sported the best academic reputation.

5.  Will you educate your children in the same

way?  Thus far my children are/will be educated in the public system.  We are fortunate that we live in an area with one of the top elementary schools in the state.  Although many things go on in this school that I don’t agree with (see all my homework posts), for now, it is the best option.  The only private school option is extremely expensive and almost 40 miles one way.  I am open to homeschooling if I find that it is necessary.  I already have my eyes set on a couple of teachers in the grades above my son’s and if for any reason we end up in the room with a certain couple of teachers and I can’t get him moved, we will homeschool without even thinking twice.  When you spend a lot of time in the school building, teachers start to accept you and let their guard down and you see behavior from teachers that you might not see other wise.  I hate to get specific here because I don’t know who is reading, so let me just leave it at that, mmmmkay?

6.  Do you think it was appropriate for you?  It was the only choice and it was very appropriate.  I was a socialite, I loved school, I was begging to learn and in my world that was where you went to learn…and a great benefit of that was socializing.

7.  How much time (on average) each day

(including Saturday and Sunday) did you put

into school work? I would say on average, in the four years, I probably averaged less then 2 hours per night and no more than 2 hours per weekend. I can’t wait until you read my cousin’s answer to this, you will probably be in shock.

8.  What kind of student were you?  Good,

Average, Above Average, Failing  I was definitely an above average student. I finished in top 10% of my class.  But, also consider that my graduating class had over 120 kids in ninth grade but only graduated 87.  Do with that what you want.  I do want to add that as a college student, I was barely average.  I hated it, I was out of my element and I absolutely abhorred it.  Graduate school was much better but mainly because I could do it online.  I hate lectures, hate them.  I’ve always hated them.  My high school teachers didn’t teach “lecture” style and when I got to community college, I already knew that I couldn’t stand it.  It was only better once I got to graduate school and could do my work at my own pace.

9.  Did you graduate high school?  Yes, top 10% of my class.

10.  Did you go to college or are you in college

now?  Yes, I graduated, but I won’t be going back I don’t think, ever.  I have a B.S. in Education and a Masters in Counseling.  I’m done!

11.  Do you think your high school education

prepared or is preparing you for college?  For the most part, it did prepare me for community college.  But, after that, no.  I’ve mentioned this before but for the newbies, I was always a teacher’s pet.  My father was a teacher and well-known.  Teachers gave me the benefit of the doubt with most everything even when I didn’t need or deserve it. Nothing could have prepared me for undergraduate. I hated it and I can’t think of any way that it could have changed to make it better.  I didn’t have that teacher’s pet quality and that might have made some difference but I don’t think so.

12.  Did you take part in extra-curricular

activities?  Yes, you name it, if they let me in, I got in it.  Band, volleyball, softball, Beta Club activities, etc

13.  Generally speaking, did you enjoy school? I loved high school, I’ve already mentioned that.  I hated undergraduate and I love graduate….maybe it was just the time in my life that made those areas what they were and not the education necessarily.

14.  What would you change about your

education? I can’t think of anything that I would have changed about high school.  I really did enjoy it.  Maybe if I had gone to an undergrad school where I lived on campus and had the opportunity to live on campus and socialize, I might have enjoyed it more. 

15.  Regardless of who did your teaching, were

your parents adequately educated to

teach/tutor you?  If yes, why do you think

this?  If not, why not?  I agree whole-heartedly with those who said, “yes but they didn’t have the temperament”.  My mom would have struggled in the higher grades but for the most part, both of them were capable of educating me at home if that had been an option.

The joke about me walking the straight and narrow path???? My mom has been quoted on many occasions as saying, “she was a great kid until she turned 22 and it’s been down hill since then”.  I really was a good kid, but as an adult, whew, I’ve apparently strained everyone’s last nerve.

I’m going to summarize a few of the questions/answers for you.  I’m sure most of you read them but since it was several days ago, I’m going to give you some comparisons.

Obviously, just as I figured, the people who read here are the educated ones, therefore, the answers are a bit skewed and certainly not technical by any means.  But, there are some thoughts to ponder.

As for where people were educated, everyone said public school except one person who answered religious school and one who was schooled half in public school and half at home.  So, obviously when this many people get together and the majority was educated in public schools but the majority also says that they will not educate their own children that way and have chosen to homeschool….we have a serious problem, would you say?

Basically everyone agreed that they were educated by public school teachers but most believed that their parents were capable of handling it.  Several did mention though that their parents didn’t have the temperament even if they had the ability.  I can say that my father was a public school teacher but he did not have the temperament to educate me, his only child.  And, most agreed that their parents did a good job with life skills.  And, many, like myself indicated that although their parents had the ability, they felt like it was a child’s job to go to school and do their own work thus they left them to do just that.

I was most surprised by the people who felt they were a good student but not necessarily for obvious reasons.  For instance, Mary N says, “Grade wise- yes, mostly A’s. Behavior-wise, that’a different story”.

And, just as I suspected, most everyone was educated in a certain manner simply because there were no other options.  I know we’ve come a long way since I graduated.  I’ve mentioned many times before that when I was in school, the only homeschooled students were the ones who were sick or expelled.  But, the majority here says that they are already homeschooling or will homeschool instead of using the public forum.

Everyone graduated high school and most went to college.  And, even a large majority of us finished college.  That’s why I say the little poll is pretty skewed but, that’s ok, we know what we know that we know, right?

I am very surprised to read that basically everyone feels as if they were not prepared for college by their high school.  Some indicated that yes it did but just the basics, some said yes but just not well enough and one person did indicate that the community college system helped a great deal.  I think that would be the case with many people who go to community college.

And, again, surprisingly, most of you didn’t even enjoy high school, that amazes me!  Simply Amazes Me!

Here are just a few thoughts on what we would change:

• that teachers would engage students more
• that it was too rigid,
• that the school offered more options
• that homeschooling would have been an option
• that he/she would have been given the freedom to explore
• that he/she would have been given the ability to explore own interests
• that he/she would have preferred a smaller school

I have 2 more survey’s coming your way, neither are eligible for the contest obviously, but I do think that each relays a lot of information.  Those two sets of answers come from me and from my cousin that I’ve mentioned here before.  I think you will be shocked but as I’ve also mentioned many times before, public school in Alabama is so different than in most parts of the U.S., never mind other places in the world.

So, look for those……

*This is totally meant to be written with a laugh in mind, please take it for what it is and try not to take it so seriously, just enjoy the fun.*

This is basically a continuation of the last two posts where I discuss small schools, big schools, high schools, bullying and how to cope as the new kid in a big school and in the lowest grade of that school.

Remember, I went to a very small feeder school and transferred to a larger school but not the one that my fellow classmates went to because I moved to my dad’s with 2 months left of the 8th grade.  So, the joke here involves 9th graders from feeder schools (because there were plenty of those that entered the high school in the 9th and 10th grades)

For instance, even when I say larger school, I mean, 600 students in 4 grades (9 - 12) in a building that was meant to house about 400 students.  Either way, it was a one level building with one “L” set of halls.  The students that had been in this building for the 2 years prior to the arrival of those of us from the feeder schools, had the opportunity to learn their way around and deal with the bullies who were merely a grade ahead of them. 

Basically, the old students were tortured in the seventh grade by a bunch of eighth graders that they already knew.  Those of us from feeder schools?  We were tortured in the ninth grade by a bunch of kids we had never seen before.

The biggest joke in the building for an oldie to play on a feeder kid was this.  If a feeder kid asked an oldie how to find a certain room, the oldie would tell the feeder kid to get on the elevator and go  up one floor.

There was no elevator in this building.  There was barely the “L” shaped hall.  But, someone always has to be ready for a good joke, right?

I was simply reading through my feed reader tonight and found a post that caught me way off guard.  I haven’t been reading this blog long and I knew exactly what made up the family “unit” in this case.  Which in reality, is exactly what made me more interested than I might have been otherwise.  Anyway, I’m not going to steal her glory, I’m simply going to send you over the Lesbian Dad’s house and let you check it all out for yourself.  There is just so much to learn especially if you are teacher and have yet to encounter a family unit that isn’t just like the one you grew up in.

I personally think that the information here is undoubtedly some of the best I’ve run upon in the last few weeks.  Start school is hard introducing your classmates is hard, introducing classmates to your mom and your mom or your dad and your dad or you mom and your dad and your step mom and your step dad or whatever it is that makes up your family unit is not easy.  And, I truly believe that each and ever teacher out there owes it to their students to be objective and learn as much as they can. 

Lesbian Dad suggest “the most powerful thing she could do was to integrate references to alternative families, as a matter of course, into the curriculum.  I suggested that she reflect this inclusive understanding in her everyday language; that she try to be as conscious about family diversity as she might be about other ethnic and cultural differences in her classroom”

Now, quit hanging around here, go read it all and let me know what you think.

*Naturally this post and the last one and probably the next one relates mostly to public schools, but I think that is ok, especially with all the home school talk we’ve been doing…and hey, you never know when you  might need the information that follows.”

I entered high school completely alone.  I didn’t know anyone with the exception of a few people I had “seen” through athletics.  I didn’t even know their name.

This high school also had its own elementary and junior high school so the folks entering from feeder schools were all greeted with a group of classmate who not only were familiar with each other, but they knew their way around.  At that time, the seventh and eighth graders were in the building with the high school, so they knew where their classes were, they knew where their lockers were and they knew the general rule of walking the halls of high school.

Side Note:  Since that time, they have build another school that houses the 6th, 7th and 8th graders only and the high school only houses grades 9 through 12.  But, at the time the kids from that schools feeder schools and myself were entering into a land of unknown.

I also think it is important to note here that those students that had been together since kindergarten basically stuck together as did the kids transferring.  Maybe 5% of the feeder school students ever managed to work their way into the clique that was known as the Curry (name of school)  kids. 

Anyway, referencing way back up in that paragraph where I said that these old students “knew the general rule of walking the halls of high school.”  And, that’s where my post is headed…if…whew, if it ever gets there.

What exactly is that rule?  The rule is/was that you walk on the right side of the hall.  Always.  Then, when you needed to cross over, you approached the classroom doors just like you would drive.  You would move to the middle of the hall with those along with the others who were trying to get to the other side. 

Two important rules that existed went like this, if a teacher was in line, you moved your big arse over and let him/her go in front of you.  You moved and let them have the right away in the hall.  From my experience in a local high school in recent years, students simply don’t have enough respect for their teachers to understand and utilize this unwritten rule. 

The other rule involved one teacher in particular.  If you needed to get somewhere and get their fast, find her, if she was going your way, she would clear a path and you could take advantage of it.  This is a sicko example but have you ever moved over to let an ambulance pass you.  If you are quick and you get in line behind it, you can move quite quickly on down the road and get out of traffic.  This teacher would put her hands out in front of her like she was diving and the waters (students) would part for her.  And, if you were smart, you would jump in line right behind her because you then had a free pass to move faster than a snail’s pace. 

Anyway, back to what I was trying to tell you in the beginning (which would have been the beginning of the last post).  On Saturday night when we arrived at the condo for our stay at the beach, it was quite crowded.  And, although I’ve basically said that this trip was more for relaxing than pure learning (even though we took every opportunity to teach our kids a few things), we taught our children the rule of walking on the right side. 

Nothing annoys me more than to be in a store (department store, mall, walmart, etc) and have people wondering down the middle of the aisle or on the left side.  Walk like you drive!  Is that so difficult?  I think not, because both of my kids learned the rule as we maneuvered through the condo on Saturday and Sunday when it was most crowded. 

So, hey, it wasn’t all rest and relaxation, my 3 and 5 year olds both know right from left and they know to walk on the right, drive on the right, and pause in the median to cross over.  So there!

I remember when I entered the ninth grade.  I had gone to a small school with less than 100 students in 9 grades (K-8).  That means I have a special place in my heart for small schools.  It also means that when it comes to the idea of sending my own children to a school that resembles the one I attended or send them to one that is much bigger, I simply straddle the fence.

I know that as a student from a really small school, I received so much individual and undivided attention in so many areas.  The memories I have are boundless.  When I transferred, I transferred to a high school where students came in from three or four feeder schools.  The school I attended was a feeder school but not to the high school I attended.

Side Note:  Remember, I moved to my dad’s when I was 13, I finished the last 2 months of eighth grade in the school where I had been a student since the third grade. 

So, when the subject is broached by experts as to which is better, small numbers in one school where individual attention is rampant or big schools like the one we were fed into after we finished being elementary and junior high students. 

I can find arguments for both and when I was asked in the past, I almost argued that there is no way I would trade my education with 17 other kids and one teacher all day long.  But, as it is now, the schools this size are few and far between because of operating costs.  Also, it means that the students in these small schools don’t get all the added benefits.

What added benefits you ask?

Well, besides the ability to socialize with a larger number of people.  And, if you read my post on school bullies, you know that I basically had class with the same kids, year after year, all day long and there was no escaping the bully and her followers.  The more I learn about bullies, the more I realize just how bad I was bullied.  And, had I been a student in a larger school, I might have had an opportunity to escape these people at least a few times a day and maybe even all together some years.  And, then, my mind returns to how personalized my instruction was for the most part. 

Sure, I made good grades, I’ve already mentioned that I had the highest grade point average for the entire year in the seventh and eighth grades but for the most part, that wasn’t a great honor then like it seems to be now, it only brought me more grief.  When someone would make better than me on one test or one assignment, they were constantly nagging and aggravating me about it.  And, when I was given my award, all the talk was about whether it was really true or did the teaches just feel sorry for me.  C’mon, I finished second in my class when I got to high school (which none of the others in my feeder school managed to do.)

So, that’s my argument for and against the small school setup.  Now, obviously the cons of the small school set up are the pro’s for the larger school way of educating.  And, I’ve given you at least one reason why the larger school students had things a little bit more under control.  But, they already knew their way around, they knew that the newbies were lost and they would take advantage of it.  (See later post on this as well).

But the benefits of attending one of the larger schools was much greater than just being more comfortable.  The benefits now include so many more opportunities for a child to take foreign  languages and higher maths at an earlier age.  Is that necessary?  I’m not sure, but it seems it must be or the world wouldn’t be pushing this on our children.  (See Stop Homework for more about this very issue)

I remember being in the eighth grade and being on my schools quiz bowl team.  We competed against eighth graders within the entire system.  Which meant, small school, big school, none of that mattered once you were seeded for the county wide quiz bowl tournament.  It was merely 8th graders versus 8th graders. 

And, I will tell you this, the kids on the quiz bowl team from the school that I chose when I entered the 9th grade, beat the living daylights out of us.  They had quiz bowl material, a real quiz bowl coach, and a set of quiz bowl equipment.  They could actually practice for “quiz bowl”.  Our quiz bowl team at the feeder school was chosen about 3 days before we competed.

This was part of why I considered that particular school when I made my decision for high school instead of the high school where my father taught .  I remember thinking how my parents had deprived me of the best education possible by sending me to a feeder school.  I immediately decided that bigger was better.

But, like any 40 year old, I can look back to when I was 13 and wonder if it was really as bad as I thought it was back then.  Are large schools better simply because they can offer more.  And, as Sara Bennett and Nancy Kalish offer up in their book….is more necessarily better?  Are our children prepared for more more more? 

What about all the things I learned because I had such individualized attention?  One of the things that comes to mind when I was reading The Case Against Homework was that homework was assigned with teachers taking into account what other teachers were doing.  Were the students involved in a school event that night, then the teachers would let homework go that night.  Not just one of them, but all of them.  They took care to make sure that we weren’t sent home from extra-curricular activities with 3 hours of work to do for school. 

We never had homework on church night nor did we have homework over the weekends or holidays.  These teachers were even careful to not schedule tests on the same day as another teacher.  Finally, since the teachers were all in unison on what was going on, if we had extra time, they would encourage us to do our homework from their class or even another class. 

The teachers in my little school were able to help teach responsibility.  They would greet students at the door asking if they remembered their books or study notes.  And, students who needed specialized attention that would today be sent a’packin’ to special education, got what they needed in the classroom.  Teachers were free to help 2 or 3 students with their work while the rest of the class did their work and then did their homework for other classes. 

Not long ago I ran into a woman who had taught second grade at my little school.  She taught there until she retired.  She lived in that community her entire life.  When she retired, she started a career with the large university nearby  working with student teachers.  I ran into her at a school where she was visiting a student teacher.  We discussed the state of affairs in our schools at that time.  Her words filled my ears then and continue to fill my ears anytime the subject is brought up.  What was it that she said that I thought provoking and memorable?

She said, “You know, all this talk about learning disabilities and special education, we had kids like that when I taught school, but we managed, we taught them and we did it with love, true love, and that’s how those students got through.”

It rings viciously in my ears when people ask me when I’m going to medicate my son….?  (which is another post all together - because I’m not medicating my son for now)

Discuss.

Part One is here.

I’ve mentioned the manner in which I was bullied and why I think I was bullied.  I explained why I think the bullying was allowed to continue.  But, just in case you missed it, I think it continued noticed but not acknowledges for a few reasons.  One of those being that the people in charge were just as discriminatory as the parents who were allowing their children to hear them talk about me and my parents in a negative manner. 

One of the things I didn’t mention about the bullying factor was that I also believed that my father being a teacher played a role in the whole saga.  Hindsight (my new word just for these two posts), I can see where I received quite a bit of preferential treatment because of my father.  But, it couldn’t hold a candle the horrible manner that I was treated by children my own age nor did it help when teachers and administrators chose to turn their head, pretending not to notice.

Finally, I honestly think at that time (the 70’s) people were simply did not know how serious the whole bullying could and would get.  I mean, you know, I never considered going to school with a gun and shooting the place up.  The adults who were turning a deaf ear knew this I presume.  However, just because I wasn’t the fattest, ugliest, poorest, dumbest kid in the class that was being beat up during recess does not mean that I was not bullied. 

I went to a very small school.  There were about a hundred kids in 9 grades (K-8).  My class typically had between 16 and 20 kids in it and probably 65 or 70 percent were girls.  I suffered from a terribly low self esteem and didn’t cope very well with the bully or her pack. 

If and when the bully-leader and her pack got out of hand and it caused a scene, the teacher (and everyone I had from the fifth grade through the eighth grade, not just one) would take me out in the hall and explain to me that the other girls were just jealous of me and that was why they treated me the way they did.  I always suspected that bully leader and her pack were told the same thing.

Hindsight, I know exactly why I was bulled.  I was bullied because like I said in part one, I had long pretty hair.  I made better grades than anyone (I finished the 7th and 8th grades with the highest grade point average in my class), I was the best athlete among the girls in my grade, I got preferential treatment because my dad was a teacher, I was the teacher’s pet because I was responsible (I had to be, when I started 3rd grade I had to learn to get up with an alarm clock, get dressed and be waiting on the bus all by myself - can you say latchkey kid?), and I will always know that the bully-leader pegged me because I took her boyfriend in the third grade.

How pathetic is that? 

I watch my  kids interact with other kids.  I wonder if they are going to be bullied.  I wonder how I will handle it.  I wonder if I will even be informed.  I wonder ……

I know where the bully-leader is right now, I know where most of her pack is.  I don’t care.  I turn the other way in stores when I see them.  I am not going to fake being glad to see them again.  I simply won’t.  And, honestly, I know I would be quite rude to a few of them.  Without a doubt, I’d be very rude to them.

How mature is that of me?  None really.  But, I don’t care.  In most cases I can take a look at their lives right now and know that my  life is way better than there’s will ever be although I know very little about their adult life.  I know they have to live with the things they said and did to me.  And, if they can live with that, I can live with darting to the next aisle to keep from having to confront them and go to jail.

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I had a comment on the last post that showed me that I was being misunderstood.  I commented back but finally decided it was worthy of a post all its own.  Here is that post:

Wow, I had no intentions of making the post sound like I think I am better than public schools.  I don’t even know where to start with explaining to you where I was trying to go with my post.  First, let me say that I had no reservations about taking him out of school this early and going on vacation before you commented that you thought it was too early.  And, then, I got scared.  So, Wayne suggested we ask his teacher who said (not a direct quote here, just summarizing) that because he had been in daycare/preschool that he was good with the schedule, he stayed on tasked, he transitioned well and wasn’t having a problem at drop-off and that she didn’t see that it would be a problem.
So, I went with her thoughts.  As for me checking him out early last week, that wasn’t a reward for him as much as it was for me.  As you know, we live in the boonies of no where and I had to be in “town” for an appointment (prior to the time we went to McD’s).  So, if I had not taken him with me, I would have had to make the 30 mile trek back and forth.  Normally my mom would have been available, but she had her chemo treatment and wasn’t able.  So, I did what I had to do.  Also, I don’t believe in rewarding behavior that is expected.  He is expected to behave in his classroom and he will be punished if he isn’t.  I know that some behaviors warrant simply rewarding with small items for good behavior.  But in my opinion, some behaviors are expected and not reward behaviors.  And, proper behavior at school is one of those.  I’ll deal with him at home differently, but he will not be a pain the arse to his teacher, ever. 
Now, I was raised in the public school system and you know that as well.  My dad taught in a public school for 19 years and was a huge advocate for educators in Alabama as well as nationally.  I taught in the public schools.  However, I think I’ve told you before and if I haven’t, I can’t imagine why but the schools around here?  They don’t hold a candle to the schools in Georgia.  I remember just reading the paper when I lived in Atlanta about on-goings at the schools.  I know from all the things that we’ve talked about before with your preschool knowledge that the pre schools here don’t hold a candle to that either.  That doesn’t mean I am anti-public school.  As a matter of fact, I am very much in favor of public schools.  There is no way Walker could function in a home schooled environment and even more than that, I couldn’t and don’t want to do it. 
Now, that said, there are plenty of kids who couldn’t thrive in public schools for some reason or another (outside the obvious ones) and need the home schooling option.  We had 3 choices of schools to put Walker in because there are no zoning laws here.  And, therein lies the problem in our area (remind me and I’ll post that topic later)…well, it is a place to start anyway.  But we had 3 choices and we chose the one with the highest national standard scores.  Which you and I both know that standardized tests are not the greatest source for information either.  My cousin graduated from one of the schools that we bi-passed.  She had earned the “highest grade point” award every year of her first thru eight grades.  Then in ninth grades, the kids from where Walker goes transferred in for high school.  She was immediately knocked off her pedestal by 3 of the kids from the school where we chose to put Walker.  That says something…..it wasn’t just a coincidence.  How do I know that, because my cousin who transferred just this year was in the exact position except she was transferring in and immediately the kids didn’t like her because she and her peers that transferred in were making better grades.
I can tell you right here and now, I would be hard pressed to home school my own child past probably the 4th or 5th grade in some subjects.  The year I taught seventh and eight grade life and earth science was a freaking nightmare.  I knew the subject matter, but teaching it wasn’t what I was trained to do and I was lost.  Also, the school where Walker goes is a school that I worked in, I know what goes on in that building and I know that compared to other schools I’ve worked in, that place really is as good as their scores say they are.
And, I may have used this example already but when I found out the class that Walker was going to be in and the class that his best friend was going to be in, I knew immediately that class selection wasn’t just something that had to be done.  His best friend’s mom teaches at the school, she teaches special education.  She and I both requested that the 2 boys not be in the same room.  She openly said that she had no control over who either of them got for a teacher and didn’t care and I felt that way as well.  Hindsight though, there was some thought put into the process and it wasn’t simply a matter of pulling names out of hat. 
Walker needed a teacher who would not tolerate his meltdowns or his desire to be silly and clown around yet would push him to keep learning more and more.  His friend needed a teacher that could tolerate his getting under the chair for the first week or so and under the table and just truly acting goofy alot but that would teach him without having to force him to be serious.  Both children got the exact teacher that fit their personality.  Even the 3rd teacher of kindergarten wouldn’t have worked for either of them, the 2 choices for the 2 children were made with the child in mind.  Now, that’s quality public education and it is right here in my back door. 
One of the other schools that I mentioned?  They aren’t even accredited.  I know of 4 kids who transferred out after the 2nd or 3rd grade and were almost a full grade level behind.  It happens.  That doesn’t mean all public schools are bad.  It doesn’t even mean that that particular school is bad.  It is just the facts.  As I said earlier, public school in Alabama is no where near what it is in Georgia.  Georgia ranks 39th, Alabama ranks 48.  48th out of 50, DC, New Mexico and Mississippi are the only places where it is worse.  That is a statistic right there that says a lot.  Now, it doesn’t mean that public schools are superior to home schools or vice - versa.
Also, I think that you have misunderstood when I talk in depth about parents teaching their children.  I honestly believe that there is way more for a parent outside of the school setting, to teach their children, regardless of whether they are home schooled or public or private schooled, parents have that responsibility and too many (and I know you as well as you know me, we both feel like we do our part) have just pushed that to the wayside and said, let someone else teach them.  I know that Velcro is the reason why kids don’t know how to tie their shoes as early as they did 35 years ago when I learned.  The reason is because my mom, the adults and the older children in my family taught me how.  The teacher didn’t teach me that, and it wasn’t necessarily her responsibility.  But many parents choose Velcro shoes more for the factor of not having to “teach” their child something.  THAT’S WRONG!  Period.
I do not know one single person in my real life that home schools right now.  Only 25,000 kids in Alabama, or there about, are home schooled.  I did have a cousin who home schooled her children.  Why?  Because she wanted religion to be part of their education.  How did she do it?  She simply went through an on line home schooling site and then the children did their own thing at their own pace while she worked 12 hours a day.  Neither of them graduated and I talked to one of them in an instant message when she was in the ninth grade and I could hardly read what she was trying to say because she couldn’t spell easy words.  So, I didn’t right that post for it to be pro or con anything.  When I say parents need to teach their kids, I mean they need to teach their kids outside of what is formally known as “school time” whether they are the one doing the formal schooling or someone else is, there’s way too much that parents are slighting their children out of.
I can’t find the statistics for the number of children that are home schooled in Georgia but I know it is much higher.
Just a side note, Walker’s teacher sent me his work yesterday for him to do next week.  I don’t know how well we will do with it, but he will do his school work.  Neither I or Wayne feel qualified but we will figure out a way.  Just from that, I know she isn’t concerned about him getting behind.
So, I hope this doesn’t seem that I raked you over the coals and I definitely didn’t dismiss your comment on the “going on vacation” post.  I went straight to his teacher and she even said he would be fine.  I knew he already knew some of his multiplication facts but she sent a note home yesterday saying she thought he knew them all through 3.  I knew he knew some of them.  However, the conversation goes like this, me:  “what is 3 X 4?”  him: 12; me:  what is 4 X 3?  him:  you know I don’t know the 4’s yet.
He is eager too learn.  There is so much he can learn in public schools that I could never teach him at home.  But, there’s also lots to be learned by exploring your world too.  Is the beach considered an educational trip.  Probably not, but will he be reading or at least trying to read every road sign all the way there, while we are there and all the way home?  Yep.  Will his mom and dad help him?  Yes.  Will his mom and dad go nuts trying?  Yes because our short trips into town right now of 30 miles are straining my brain because all he wants to do is learn more stuff.
I’m going to say this again.  I appreciate your comments more and more.  I feel like I know you more personally than most of my Internet acquaintances and you can guarantee that every piece of advice you gave me regarding daycare/preschool was taken and used.  If I didn’t use it for some reason, it was because it simply wasn’t possible in our little town of less than 14000 people.  And, yes I am the one that has actually taught in a public school (and a private church school for that matter) but as far as the knowledge of what is going on and what is being done to help kids, you have already proven that you know more than I do.  It has been a long time since I was in a public school, but I do know that you have seen, heard and been more involved than I have.
So, if anyone else out there took my post to be a bashing of public schools, it certainly wasn’t.  I’ve already received an email from someone who assumed I was bashing home schooling and one who thought I was bashing private schools and religious schools.  I’m not bashing anyone.  I just want you to remember that whoever teaches your child the “formal’ education, they can only do so much, we, as parents have to pick up the slack and teach our own children a lot of life skills.
Since this is so long, I’m going to make it a post as well.  And, please remember, I’m not here to bash anyone, I’m hear to teach you stuff I know, learn from you the stuff you know and then together we can teach our children what we all know.

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PRE-POST UPDATE:  I am reading White Trash Mom’s and trust me when I tell you, it is an awesome read.  I may give my book away when I finish…well after my mom reads it, then I’ll give it away, so keep watching for it.

This one is probably more for the home school variety (well, I meant for it to be, but I got off tract, we will get to that one in a day or two as well because I have a couple of questions)but I do have a question for the parents of public school children as well.  If you guys remember a few days back, I asked about taking a child out of school for a family vacation. (Which we are totally going to do, four days is noting and even his teacher agreed.)   I wanted to know what you guys would do.  I had one negative response and two votes that said, “sure, most definitely”.

Dawn made the following statement:

“I’m astounded by the little amount that is accomplished each day”

I already knew how little was really being done prior to Walker starting school this year simply because I had substituted for a kindergarten teacher a couple of years ago while she was on maternity leave.  She left lesson plans for the actual learning skills for each day.  Then, she would  leave extra stuff, or “busy work” for them to do for a couple of hours.  Each child would get to spend anywhere from 10 to 20  minutes on the computer each day and the rest of the day was wasted.  I ended up playing games with them for the last hour to hour and a half almost every day. 

We played hangman a lot using their spelling words for that week.  I don’t remember what other kinds of stuff I conjured up, but I knew that those children were typically receiving about 2 hours a day of true lessons. (By the way, this was in the spring and at the time I was amazed that kindergarten kids had spelling words, then I realized, they knew how to spell them well enough to play games with the words and I was in shock.)

Here’s what Walker’s schedule looks like and trust me when I tell you, I love his teacher.  All three kindergarten teachers do their lesson plans together and basically do the same thing each day.  They have designated days for parent volunteers and they adhere to a schedule pretty well.  But, just check out this schedule:

7:55 - 8:15:  students have a coloring sheet with yesterday’s information on it while the teacher takes roll, looks through folders for notes from home and assures that all parents have signed the behavior chart.

8:15 - 10:00:  They do math as a class, they do a little worksheet of coloring some numbers and talk about numbers and sing songs about numbers.  (Now since Walker knows his multiplication facts through 3, you can see where is not very amused with this, but as long as he isn’t talking, I’m ok with not being amused.)  They also do reading during this time.  She reads to them, she teaches them phonetic sounds using really big words I think.  For instance, I saw some of the words on the board last Friday.  I asked Walker how to spell Egg.  His reply was, “I don’t know, but it makes the “eh” sound and the word elephant starts the say way, with the “eh” sound.”  So, I asked him again, what letter is that?  He had no clue.

10:00 - 10:40: bathroom break and computer time or finishing morning activities

10:40 - 11:15:  lunch

11:15 - 11:40:  bathroom breaks, change shoes for physical education and finish coloring morning activities

11:40 - 12:10:  physical education

12:10 - 12:40:  bathroom break, change out of p.e. shoes.  If time permits she works on social studies and science during this time, if not they finish the mornings activity (now trust me, they probably had 3 sheets all total, one at 8 that covered yesterdays stuff, one math and one reading (and maybe not even one reading).  She uses this time as well for children to use the computer while she works in small groups.

12:40 - 1:00 clean up and prepare for break

1:00 - 1:15:  break, bathrooms, etc

1:15 - 2:15:  I have not the slightest idea?  I do know some work on the computer, sometimes she does group time reading or group singing, sometimes they do a craft (and by sometimes I mean once a week it seems)

2:15 - 2:30:  start getting backpacks re-packed for home, get work in the backpack and get them to their seats

2:30 - 2:45:  circle time

2:45 dismissal

Now, as you can see, I should be able to do his entire weeks worth of work during Jace’s nap time each day without even a worry. 

My fear already is boredom.  He can’t go to the gifted program until he is in the 2nd grade.  Between now and then, we will do as much homeschool stuff as we have to in order to keep him out of trouble at school. 

I did want to add that the reading coach said once everyone was settled and evaluated, he would be taken to her with a group of advanced readers so that he wouldn’t lose interest.  That part I can’t wait to see happen because hopefully he will be more excited. 

Right now he still likes it a lot but when I asked him in the afternoons “what did you do today?“, his answer is “the same thing we did yesterday”  That concerns me.

As usual, I got too carried away and we will cover the homework debacle in my next post.  Sorry!

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