Mom Is Teaching

I expected far more comments on this issue than I have gained thus far.  I really would like to know what you all are thinking.  If you don’t want to leave your name, I don’t care if you post anonymous as long as you don’t get out of control.  Just know that if you do, I can simply delete your comment.  So, there, I’m waiting…

After reading Jack’s comment, I talked it over with my husband and he reminded me that I didn’t even post the 2 quotes that were the most disrespectful.  You can read those in the comments.  But, let me throw in another angle here.  Not an excuse mind you, simply another angle to look at this, mmmmkay?

I seriously did not care how it was ruled.  I can guarantee you with 100% accuracy that my  child will not miss another unexcused day.  How is it that I can be that certain?  Because, if he is sick, he is sick, that’s excusable.  If someone dies, someone dies and that is excusable.  If we were to take another family vacation?  I would get that “prior written approval” crap. 

If I were denied the “prior written approval”, I would go over the principals head.  Simple.

Stick with me, it relates and it is dramatic.

But, the other angle, I mentioned in that post was how disgusted I was with the amount of supplies that we had to send for school.  It was, without any clothing, shoes, coats, etc, more than $100 AND I had stuff from my daycare that I simply had in my possession and didn’t have to go buy.  Still, it was over $100.  Did that put a hardship on my family?  At that time, it sort of did.  We were digging out of debt from the daycare and it was just dumb luck that someone showed up and bought it about the same time we had to fork out money for school supplies, otherwise, I would have borrowed it. 

But, does that simple task of paying for school supplies put some families in a strain?  Sure it does.  What if you have more than one child in school?  That’s now $200 or more without clothes or shoes.  One of my former employees has 3 children of her own all under the eighth grade and she has 4 nieces and nephews that live with her, all under the eighth grade.   She was left holding a bill of over $100 for seven children just to start school.  And, that is if they go naked.

Stick with me here, I know you are wondering how this relates to unexcused absences.

So, add to that the lab fee’s and workbook costs for children about third or fourth grade and up run approximately $50 each.  And, in my son’s case, it was $10 for weekly readers, and $10.50 for a class T-shirt.  This $10.50 for a T-shirt that I know I could have got for a baseline of $6 each. (with the screen printing on it just like they are getting)…assuming the school didn’t make any profit.  Lastly, we got a note yesterday requesting $11 for the field trip next month.  And, guess what, today he brought home his school photo for us to order from.  The cheapest package that includes an 8 X 10?  $28 bucks!  Now, back to field trips. They will take one more before Christmas and 3 after Christmas. 

Ahhhh, now we are there.  Just imagine if you had seven kids from grades kindergarten through eighth grade.  Let’s assume that the field trips run $11 each.  And, now, let’s say five field trips for each child…do the math…7 kids times 11.00 times 5 for each child.  That’s close to $400 for field trips. 

I promise, there is a point.

I know that this money is not all due at once, but you have to figure if there are seven children in one home and all are between 6 and 12 years old, some of them are going to have field trips at the same time, right?

Do you know what happens to the kids that don’t go on the field trip?  They are shoved in a room with kids younger or older than them where every one knows that they didn’t go on the field trip because their parents couldn’t afford it. 

And, do you know what happens if this parent takes her child’s side on this little battle because after all, the parent is the one feeling bad about not being able to afford it, right?  If the parent keeps the child at home on the day of the field trip instead of sending them to sit in another classroom all day and be made fun of….that kid is considered unexcused.

Now, five field trips in one year.  That’s five unexcused absences and guess what, they are hauling mom or dad or both off to truancy court.  Hummmmmmmmm, now what?

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As most of you know, we let Walker stay out of school last week in order to take part in a family vacation.  I spoke with his teacher almost two weeks prior to our being gone and requested his work be sent home so we could do it.  It was and we did.  I did not, however, get prior written approval from the principal of the school.  I knew that other parents had talked about this part of the student handbook.  Did I look it up?  No.  Did I ask about it?  No.  Did I get the prior written approval?  No. 

Now, why did I not do this?  Well, there is no good reason because all I had to do was pick up the phone, call the school and ask for this approval.  Or, I could have sent a note in Walker’s folder requesting this approval.  Or, one of the times I was in the school building, as in Friday lunch date or simply talking to his teacher, I could have stopped in the office and requested permission. 

Why did I, a responsible adult, fail to get this prior written approval?  No real reason that I can think of other I’m hard headed.  My philosophy is/was that he is my son and it was our vacation and I didn’t need anyone’s permission to keep him out of school.  And, I took care of his academic needs by speaking with his teacher about the matter.

So, on Sunday night I wrote the note requesting that he be excused from school last week due to a family vacation.  (I fully expected to be denied.)  Yesterday I received a letter from the school stating that my son had missed four days unexcused due to the fact that I had not requested prior written approval.  I was also informed that because of the Truancy Laws, if he is out a fifth day unexcused, I will be reported.  Finally, it had a page copied out of the handbook with the portion highlighted that read, “prior written approval by the principal“.  I got it.  I understood.  And, it wasn’t as if I didn’t understand in the first place.

So, why?  Why didn’t I just do it.  I have no real answer for you other than just being a stubborn arse. 

I had to sign the form noting the unexcused absences and the fact that one more unexcused absence would result in the Truancy people being contacted.  I signed the note, including a little note of my own that read (not exact because I didn’t put much thought into it at the time):  “I knew that we were going on this vacation and I spoke with Walker’s teacher.  We took his work with us and it was all completed.  I understand the rule, however, I don’t anticipate that we will be taking any more trips that would require Walker’s absence and if we do I would be sure to get “prior written approval“.  Also, I was not concerned with the status of those days as excused or unexcused.”

Call it cocky, call it being a smart-alec, but I don’t care.  I don’t care what they thought about it.  Should I have followed the rules?  Of course I should have. 

This morning at approximately 8:15, a mere 15 minutes after school started (and his teacher had sent the note to the office for the administrators to read), I got a phone call from the school secretary.  Now, never mind that seeing that phone number on my caller ID was enough to make my stomach turn into knots (we’ve had front teeth knocked out by a sibling, so, an injury was the obvious thought on my mind).  The secretary is a sweet woman who is a former student of my fathers and has worked at this school as long as I can remember.  (I knew her motive was to get me to recoil and try to get the status over-turned.  I’m sure she felt it was that important.)  She merely re-explained what the note had intended to explain.  She then quietly (but not so quietly that I couldn’t hear her) asked the principal if this one could be reversed.  She returned to the phone to tell me that the unexcused absence would stand.

I said ok, and told her that it didn’t really matter to me one way or the other.  She reminded me that if he was out again that I couldn’t forget to send him with a note from a physician or that would put me in the violation of my son’s five days.  I said ok, and reminded her that it didn’t really matter to me one way or the other.  She reminded me of the truancy laws.  I said ok, and told her once again that it didn’t matter to me one way or the other.

We said our good bye’s and hung up. 

So, what the heck was that about?  It was about respect.  The principal had the authority to over-ride the unexcused absences especially since his teacher verified that I did indeed communicate with her almost two weeks prior to taking him out of school for four days.  But she didn’t.  Why didn’t she?  Because, she was proving to me that she had the authority to make that decision.  Just as I was proving to her that “it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another.”

Why am I being so ornery about this?  I could give you many reasons.  The first one would be this school supply list that ran in excess of $100 and that did not include any clothing, underwear or shoes.  This atmosphere the night of orientation.  Add to that $1.75 for school lunches (yes I could send something, but I know my child will eat better if he has the opportunity), $10 for weekly readers, $10.50 for class T-shirts to be worn on field trips and special school days, $11.00 for the first field trip next month.  This is only one month of school that the child has attended and we’ve put out in the neighborhood of $200.

No, those really aren’t reasons.  I really think the biggest issue is the lack of respect some of the administrators show me.  And, I’m much like a twelve year old and must play tit for tat.  It really is that simple.  I know, I know, some of you are thinking, you must give respect to get respect.  And, you can guarantee that up until this little episode, these people, all the way down to the janitor have received my utmost respect.  I was raised to respect authority, not buck it.  I never handled myself in any other manner.  So, I guess the link above regarding the atmosphere the night of orientation is more a factor than anything else.

The first words out of my husband’s mouth were “Walker will pay for your bad attitude” and I am quickly reminded of The White Trash Mom’s Handbook by Michelle Lamar and Molly Wendland.

Is he right?

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I’ve been talking about homework and the book The Case Against Homework.  Yes, I know I’ve been talking about it a lot.  The whole point is that I know what’s coming my way.  I’ve listened to parents for years talk about how horrible the homework assignments of their children are…it is only a matter of time.

But, what I was going to toss at you today is another idea.  As most of you know, we took a vacation last week, allowing our 5 year old to miss 4 days of school.  I told the teacher over a week ahead of time that we would be gone and asked her to send his work with him.  She did and we held study time each day.  Dad would play on computer, 3 year old would sleep and 5 year old would do his “studying” and I would help than head off to nap as well.  It worked pretty well for us.

Upon returning, I had this conversation with my cousin who just happens to be the parent of a child in the same school system as my 5-year-old.  Notice I am not blaming this on the administrators at his school specifically as I know some people can/do/will.  Even my cousin approached it from that angle.  Anyway, it went like this:

Cousin:  Did you get permission from Mrs. Smith (not principals real name)?

Me:  No, why?

Cousin:  Well, you know it won’t be excused absence if it wasn’t pre-planned don’t you?

Me:  Well, I knew it was going happen, it was all planned out in my mind and in the form of dollars paid for over 2 weeks prior to us going…

Now, I know that this could potentially be an issue.  I actually had heard other parents talk about getting permission from the principal before allowing their children to miss school for such a family absence.  However, after I spoke with his teacher, I never really thought anymore about it.  I didn’t do it disrespectfully.  I simply didn’t think it mattered.  I made the decision to keep my son  home, take a vacation and I made plans to take his school work with us and do it. 

So, as I wrote his note yesterday to request that an excused absence be granted for him for last week (which is how it is done whether the kid is sick, dying or gone to grandma’s house), I wondered with much trepidation how my note would be dealt with once it made it to the office for approval.

No one called me to ask me if I had bumped my head or anything so I figure one of two things.  One, his teacher explained that I had spoken with her as much as almost 2 weeks prior to the absences or they are waiting to bombard me when I go inside to pick my son up this afternoon.  Which do you think will happen just reading the above conversation and information?

I’ll let you know tonight how it all goes down.  Unfortunately my tooth-losing 5-year-old has a dentist appointment directly after school today so we will be doing that before I return home to update you, but, go ahead, make some guesses.  I’ll let you know tonight.

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